BIKE ME!

SERVICEABLE EQUIPMENT DISCARDED

Published on June 18th, 2018 | by Al

“They’re called adventure tyres,” I told him... Read More →

2018 APRILIA TUONO RF – VOODOO CHILD

Published on June 15th, 2018 | by Boris

IMAGES BY NICK EDARDS / HALF LIGHT PHOTOGRAPHIC The Aprilia Tuono RF is one of those bikes. It occupies that other echelon of motorcycles. It lives on another level, up where the air is rarefied and... Read More →

Dear George

“Only Honda has harnessed the power of the Black Box Nova, Gigi! Only Honda understands ichibans and bushidos. You don’t. Because you are not smart like the Honda.”

Published on June 11th, 2018 | by Boris

Dear Gigi, This is why you’re so very much mierda at what you do. No sooner had the ink dried on my Satu Hati Gati Mat Fati contract than my new friends at Repsol sent me... Read More →

Articles

2018 INDIAN SPRINGFIELD DARK HORSE REVIEW – DARK TIMES

Published on June 8th, 2018 | by Boris

IMAGES BY NICK EDARDS/ HALF LIGHT PHOTOGRAPHIC There’s a certain je ne sais quoi about matte black bikes. They’ve all got it. Every one of them. You take any bike, perhaps a cheery red one, or... Read More →

Dear George

“One minute everyone was thinking I was going to become the Petronas and turn my life into a bowl of dog-laksa with that pile of pimples and masturbation called Morbidelli, and instead I am getting married!”

Published on June 7th, 2018 | by Boris

Dear Gigi, How fancy was my footwork, you tired old bag of eyebrows? How much pasta can you now pound into your leaking asentaderas? I make the zig and then I make the zag! Like a... Read More →

Dear George

“Yes, putas. Yes. Burn that yellow piss-smoke. Burn yourselves, for all I care. Bronze yourselves with your own steaming mierda. Let it dry like muddy armour on your squirming bodies.”

Published on June 4th, 2018 | by Boris

Dear Gigi, Who is your Spartan Sex-Daddy now, you grey-haired old holster for leaky horse-penises? I am. Go on. Say it. “You’re my Spartan Sex-Daddy, George!” Have it tattooed on your chest next to your heart.... Read More →

Articles

SUZUKI ADVENTURE RIDE BATHURST 2018 – “Oh good…now I’m blind…”

Published on May 29th, 2018 | by Boris

I saw it on the Internet. On Facebook, actually. Suzuki was having an Adventure ride around Bathurst and it was inviting people to come along. If they were so minded, they could Test-ride any of the... Read More →

Dear George

“Team VR46 offers Lorenzo race contract.” “George given career lifeline by old rival” “Rossi saves stupid Spanish fail-stronzo!” “Rossi now boss of Lorenzo!”

Published on May 28th, 2018 | by Boris

Ciao George, We live in the interesting times, yes? Ha ha! And by we, I mean you. And because we come now to the Mugello track, everything has become even more interesting for you. I saw... Read More →

Dear George

“So there’s been lots of talk about you fuckin’ off to Kawasaki or Royal Enfield, and me and Danilo fighting in a pit over who gets to sit in your chair next year.”

Published on May 21st, 2018 | by Boris

Dear George, How good was that! Fucken smashed ya! Come up on you like a bull full piss and hormones and smashed ya all the way to fuck and back again. Townsville near shit itself, I... Read More →

Dear George

“Is it because Joanne has made the fast lap with the name of a woman but with a man’s macron tucked up backwards behind her thighs?”

Published on May 20th, 2018 | by Boris

Dear Gigi, What is wrong with these stupid Frenchians? Why are they all running around with their culottes around their ankles and their macrons in their hands? You would think they have something to celebrate. But... Read More →