BIKE ME!

Dear George

“I am leaving now. Stop touching me and trying to hug me. Seriously. You all smell like an old wooden floor after a bull has dropped his bladder-juices on it.”

Published on November 20th, 2018 | by Boris

Dear Gigi, the Germans and the rest of you Ducati Basura, I am leaving now. Stop touching me and trying to hug me. Seriously. You all smell like an old wooden floor after a bull has... Read More →

UnbAlanced

STATE AVOIDED

Published on November 19th, 2018 | by Al

In which Al spends thirteen hundred kilometres seeing if the Givi S920L is a worthy custodian of his electronics... Read More →

Dear George

“The boy-whore, Bautista, has dyed his hair purple for his next job, which is dancing on dirty bars while sailors push money into his golden underpants…”

Published on November 17th, 2018 | by Boris

Dear Gigi, Has he gone yet? Madre de Dios, surely he has left by now? And about time too. His ears had been blocking out the sun. I have been telling you to get rid of... Read More →

Articles

2018 BMW K1600GT SPEZIAL OPTION 719 – THE BOTTOM LINE

Published on November 6th, 2018 | by Boris

IMAGES BY NICK “IF YOU CRASH THIS IN THE WET THE PICS WILL BE REALLY SPECIAL” EDARDS / HALF LIGHT PHOTOGRAPHIC Right after the good people at BMW demanded I return the K1600B (B is for... Read More →

Dear George

” It must take your step-mother, Fat Uccio, hours to mop it all out of there. Does he cry when he’s doing it? Maybe he and the Sad-Eyed Puta could share a weeping bucket.”

Published on November 6th, 2018 | by Boris

Dear Yellow Puta, I would have written earlier, but I was in too much pain from laughing so hard. All my intestinos had knotted themselves in pleasure. I could not make the kaka for three days!... Read More →

Just So You Know

DER HELM

Published on November 3rd, 2018 | by Al

Al on living with the Schuberth R2 for six thousand kilometres... Read More →

Articles

2018 MV AGUSTA F3 675RC – SEXY TIME

Published on November 3rd, 2018 | by Boris

IMAGES BY NICK ‘NO, I DO NOT HAVE A LENS THAT MAKES YOU LOOK LIKE ROSSI’ EDARDS / HALF LIGHT PHOTOGRAPHIC No-one builds sexier motorcycles than MV Agusta. What Massimo Tamburini created all those years ago... Read More →

Dear George

“El Spartano di Magnifico y Poderoso y Glorioso will ride the stupid Chinese circuit in Melanesia like an eagle who has the fins of a shark and the wings of an eagle!”

Published on November 2nd, 2018 | by Boris

Dear Gigi, The Mamba has returned! SSSSSSS-CHAH! El Spartano di Magnifico y Poderoso y Glorioso will ride the stupid Chinese circuit in Melanesia like an eagle who has the fins of a shark and the wings... Read More →

Dear George

“I will not miss seeing those stinking drunks leaning on the fence, covered in mud, holding fishing poles with rubber sex-organs attached to them, and screaming out stupid Stacey Coner’s name each time I ride past…”

Published on October 27th, 2018 | by Boris

Dear Gigi, This is a very unsatisfactory hospital you have sent me to. Last night, I saw two prostitutes fighting savagely in the street. At first I thought it was the Criminal Redding and the golden... Read More →

Dear George

“Of course, the Criminal Redding is weak like a woman, but the shoulder of the Horse-Mouth is even weaker and made of cigarette ash, like pequeño Pedrosito, whose bones explode whenever a motorcycle engine starts!”

Published on October 23rd, 2018 | by Boris

Dear Gigi, Has that crazed Criminal Redding been dragged off to prison in chains yet? I am heavily armed and I will shoot to defend myself if he tries to touch me. But I will have... Read More →