BIKE ME!

Dear George

” It must take your step-mother, Fat Uccio, hours to mop it all out of there. Does he cry when he’s doing it? Maybe he and the Sad-Eyed Puta could share a weeping bucket.”

Published on November 6th, 2018 | by Boris

Dear Yellow Puta, I would have written earlier, but I was in too much pain from laughing so hard. All my intestinos had knotted themselves in pleasure. I could not make the kaka for three days!... Read More →

Just So You Know

DER HELM

Published on November 3rd, 2018 | by Al

Al on living with the Schuberth R2 for six thousand kilometres... Read More →

Articles

2018 MV AGUSTA F3 675RC – SEXY TIME

Published on November 3rd, 2018 | by Boris

IMAGES BY NICK ‘NO, I DO NOT HAVE A LENS THAT MAKES YOU LOOK LIKE ROSSI’ EDARDS / HALF LIGHT PHOTOGRAPHIC No-one builds sexier motorcycles than MV Agusta. What Massimo Tamburini created all those years ago... Read More →

Dear George

“El Spartano di Magnifico y Poderoso y Glorioso will ride the stupid Chinese circuit in Melanesia like an eagle who has the fins of a shark and the wings of an eagle!”

Published on November 2nd, 2018 | by Boris

Dear Gigi, The Mamba has returned! SSSSSSS-CHAH! El Spartano di Magnifico y Poderoso y Glorioso will ride the stupid Chinese circuit in Melanesia like an eagle who has the fins of a shark and the wings... Read More →

Dear George

“I will not miss seeing those stinking drunks leaning on the fence, covered in mud, holding fishing poles with rubber sex-organs attached to them, and screaming out stupid Stacey Coner’s name each time I ride past…”

Published on October 27th, 2018 | by Boris

Dear Gigi, This is a very unsatisfactory hospital you have sent me to. Last night, I saw two prostitutes fighting savagely in the street. At first I thought it was the Criminal Redding and the golden... Read More →

Dear George

“Of course, the Criminal Redding is weak like a woman, but the shoulder of the Horse-Mouth is even weaker and made of cigarette ash, like pequeño Pedrosito, whose bones explode whenever a motorcycle engine starts!”

Published on October 23rd, 2018 | by Boris

Dear Gigi, Has that crazed Criminal Redding been dragged off to prison in chains yet? I am heavily armed and I will shoot to defend myself if he tries to touch me. But I will have... Read More →

UnbAlanced

PAPA’S GOT A BRAND NEW BAG

Published on October 22nd, 2018 | by Al

In which Al goes for a ride with his neighbour and the Givi ST603 Tanklock tank bag... Read More →

Dear George

“Marquez has painted Japanakiaki swear-words on his helmet in the fake gold he has scraped off Bautista’s glittering whore-suit…”

Published on October 20th, 2018 | by Boris

Dear Gigi, The championship is still mine to win, so how about you stop putting all of my belongings in boxes and stacking them outside the Repsol toilet? Yes, it is true I broke my arm... Read More →

Articles

HELD M2M (MADE-TO-MEASURE) SR-X GLOVES – The difference bespoke makes

Published on October 12th, 2018 | by Boris

I have lots of very good high-end motorcycle gear. It’s one of the benefits of working in the industry for so long. But while I have all the very finest off-the-shelf stuff, I have never had... Read More →

Dear George

“Of course it is not your fault the “stupid red Bolognaised Mierda-bike” fired you into Thailand airspace. It is wholly the issue of the un-zested octopus. The whole paddock knows this.”

Published on October 9th, 2018 | by Boris

Dear George, I could almost hear you howling as the plane landed. I came, of course, straight away when Gigi called. I would never allow you to be treated by the “itinerant butchers, stupid carpenters, and... Read More →