Dear George Dear George 7.2.17

Published on February 7th, 2017 | by Gigi

“I hate to be the one to tell you”

Dear George,

I hate to be the one to tell you, but that Englishman Mat Oxley we chased out of the pits last week is writing things about our secret box again.

He is convinced we have fitted a jounce-dampener, or inerter, to your bike because you’re not as fast as Casey. In his opinion, the inerter would help you be more like Casey, but not like Casey.

You can drink milkshakes and he can’t. And you speak Spanish. And you have a spear. So not like Casey in that way, but like Casey in maybe going a little bit faster. But when you’re ready.

We are in no rush. At all. Honest.

You don’t understand German, do you? No? Good. Just delete the emails you get from Volkswagen Head Office. They’re just about meetings you don’t have to go to.

Anyway, I have sent this Oxley conjo an email telling him he should piss off and mind his own business and stop writing things about what might be in our secret box.

The bikes are on their way to Australia right now and we have hired some very ugly men with tattoos on their hands to sit in the cargo-hold and make sure no-one sneaks in to peek at our secret box.

Please don’t worry about the secret box any more, George. No-one is going to accuse you of cheating. Those ugly men are going to stay on the payroll. They are in the budget for all of 2017.

And stop asking me about Jonas Fucking Folger. As soon as I find out who he is, I will tell you. I promise.

Best regards,


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