Quick & Dirty

Published on June 11th, 2013 | by Boris



Vanessa cannot decide what top will best go with the new Dainese jacket you’re gonna buy for her. So she’s going to try a few on. You’d best be patient.


Diedre crashed her motocross bike into a large field of noxious weeds. She will require a lengthy shower before she will even consider making you a sandwich or finding the remote control.


Jasmine will require industrial amounts of sunblock when you take her up the Putty Road on your Gixxer in summer. Her skin is delicate and she’s a ranga. You’ve been warned, OK?


Dystopia will not believe you when you tell her her skirt is a little too short for riding on the back of motorcycles. She is very contrary and argumentative like that. And she will probably self-harm.


Brutella is ready for her Sunday jaunt with you to the petrol station on the Black Spur. She is very excited and has been getting ready for the weekend since August. On the way back she will pass out and fall off the back. You’ll be home late.


Krispy-Sue bought all-new underpants because you told her you were going to take her to a winery in the Barossa. Unfortunately, the undergarments proved to be very itchy and uncomfortable and she got a rash and turned into a bitch.


Maria’s father is a Sicilian murderer who has killed more cunts than cholera. He will think nothing of sawing off your head in his garage if you bring her home late. Or marked. Or smelling of you touching her.

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About the Author

is a writer who has contributed to many magazines and websites over the years, edited a couple of those things as well, and written a few books. But his most important contribution is pissing people off. He feels this is his calling in life and something he takes seriously. He also enjoys whiskey, whisky and the way girls dance on tables. And riding motorcycles. He's pretty keen on that, too.

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