BIG RED-RIDING HOOD – PART ONE
Matthew 7:15-23 New King James Version (NKJV)
“Love the in-line fours, who come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravenous wolves. You will know them by the tingling of your fruits. A good bike cannot tingle your fruits badly, nor can a bad bike tingle your fruits at all. Every bike that does not tingle your fruits is cut down and thrown into the fire.
Therefore by the tingling of your fruits you will know them.”
Our first date was outside a giant bottleshop, so she can’t ever say I didn’t take her anywhere nice.
It’s been a long time since I bonded with a Universal Japanese Motorcycle (UJM).
I’m actually not sure there are any UJMs anymore. They’re all kinda not universal anymore. There are triples and twins and fours – both in-line and in a V-shape.
But back when there were UJMs, they were invariably in-line fours of 750 or 1000cc, and they were the proper choice of righteous, red-eyed teenage hooligans everywhere.
And here I am again. On a screaming in-line four with 750cc under my fruits – and that same glorious high-intensity vibration stimulating those fruits each time I open the taps and get it on.
I am physically not a teenager anymore. But my fruits still like to get buzzed. And so I get it on. This pleases both me and the Suzuki GSX-S750.
My licence is currently in tatters. There’s not much of it left, but I’m like that scorpion who kills the frog that’s carrying him across the river by stinging it in the head halfway across. “Why are you doing this?” the frog asks. “We shall both drown.”
“I can’t help it,” the scorpion replies. “It’s in my nature.”
That’s me and my licence.
So me and the red GSX-S750 will be spending some time together. Some if it will be quality time, and it will sing the song of Hamamatsu and my fruits will tingle.
And some of it will not be quality time because Sydney has become a real arsehole of a place to ride around in most of the time.
But I’m going to do things and go places on it. I’m going to reacquaint myself with my old hoodlum genes. They may be dormant, but they ain’t dead.
I’m thinking the GSX-S750 is a most suitable partner in that regard.
This is what I like very much about Suzuki’s GSX-S750, in no particular order…
The noise it makes is just crazy good. It literally shrieks when you’re feeding it some ham.
It’s got really good tyres on it – Bridgestone S21R Battlaxs, which are almost as sticky as the floor at the last school dance I went to.
It feels light and small – even if it’s not all that light and not all that small. But it sure does feel like it, and that’s what counts.
It no longer looks like a terrible thing. Suzuki has wisely made the 750 look like its 1000cc sibling, so no-one is going to laugh and point at this one like they did at the GSXF it replaces.
It only has limited electronic interference via an adjustable Traction Control. And that can be turned off. There are no engine maps to explore, and no electronic suspension to ponder. You just turn it on, and light it up. I’m a little simple-minded, so that simplicity appeals to me greatly.
I shall keep you updated with what we do, where we go and how our relationship progresses. It’s a bike that doesn’t deserve to be ignored, so I shall not ignore it. I shall live with it and it shall live with me.
And maybe together we can keep the Highway Patrol away from my licence.
I did a review on it when Suzuki launched it. You can read that HERE.
About the Author
Boris is a writer who has contributed to many magazines and websites over the years, edited a couple of those things as well, and written a few books. But his most important contribution is pissing people off. He feels this is his calling in life and something he takes seriously. He also enjoys whiskey, whisky and the way girls dance on tables. And riding motorcycles. He's pretty keen on that, too.
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