Published on December 22nd, 2013 | by Boris


On the 20th of December, 2013, the waiting world was indulged with a missive from the galaxy’s most ridiculous Attorney-General, the child-idiot Jarrod Bleijie from Queensland.

Not too long ago, Jarrod’s government declared “war” on one-percenter motorcycle clubs. He even got his spin-doctors to come up with a new name for the clubs, Criminal Motorcycle Gangs, and has managed to include the wonderfully emotive terms “Vicious” and “Lawless” in his amateurish legislation.

As you may know, the legislation came about, according to the Queensland media (all of which has its snout buried deeply in the distended and rose-scented rectums of the Premier, Campbell, and his chipmunk-like amanuensis, Jarrod), following an altercation between members of two outlaw clubs on the allegedly family-oriented, so-called “glitter-strip” of the Gold Coast.

Anyone who has ever been to that area of Queensland knows perfectly well that happy families is not what all those pubs, nightclubs, strip-joints and kebaberias are into servicing. But be that as it may.

The police, who had not even stopped trembling in their incompetent boots following that evening’s relatively uneventful carry-on, were overjoyed when Jarrod presented his master with a ream of legislation aimed at getting rid of the outlaw clubs.

Good police work could now be replaced with sheer intimidation, harassment, the reversal of the onus of proof and all that pesky civil liberties stuff that confounds police forces the world over. The Queensland Police were now free to live the Thug Life.


This is John-Paul. He has a dental degree. And a collection of Lacoste shirts.

That the power behind Campbell, former LNP party boss (2009-2011), John-Paul Langbroek, was allegedly in that restaurant, may have had something to do with the resultant hysteria. Now if you didn’t know, John-Paul has been the Member for Surfers Paradise from 2004, is a qualified dentist and the offspring of Jehovah’s Witnesses. He has described his time in the University of Queensland as pretty much “toga parties, Lacoste shirts and university japes”. All of which is crucial in the attainment of a degree in dentistry. And all of which may, or may not, have a bearing on how John-Paul rolls vis-à-vis the perceived bikie menace to his family-focused paradise of Surfers that the Queensland LNP is all so foamy about the vagina over.

Anyway, what followed was predictable, and has been well-documented on various social media pages over the last few weeks.

Much of it has been embarrassing to motorcyclists as social clubs like the HOG and Ulysses eagerly endorsed the new legislation and even took the chubby Queensland police minister on a toy run, thus handing Campbell’s government a wonderful public relations coup.

Certainly some sections of their respective memberships protested at this betrayal, but there have been no en-masse resignations, so you are free to draw whatever conclusions you feel need to be drawn from that fact.


“Calm down. Jarrod has everything under control.”

Some of the responses have been a direct slap to the chops of young Jarrod by various learned judges from the Supreme Court, who have made highly pointed statements regarding the legislation in their various sentencing pronouncements. A High Court challenge is imminent, and the UMCQ (United Motorcycle Clubs of Queensland) is certainly doing good work in its efforts to raise funds and get the right message out.

And most recently, and what I wish to respond to, young Jarrod has penned a rebuttal of sorts to the rather excellent piece that ran in The Australian by one Gary Johns on 17 December, 2013.

Shall we examine young Jarrod’s work? Yes, let’s…

 How to win war with bikie gangs



DECEMBER 20, 2013 12:00AM

GARY Johns’s own lack of intelligence regarding the threat posed by criminal motorcycle gangs (The Australian, December 17) borders on the astonishing. Their propensity for violence, intimidation and illegality are well-documented around the world.

Jarrod, your own lack of intelligence is what is truly astonishing. You really are not all that bright, are you? Any critical examination of “intelligence regarding the threat posed by criminal motorcycle gangs” would clearly demonstrate that you and your government know nothing about them, and the alleged “threat” they pose to society. Police forces around the world and in Australia, have repeatedly explained that these clubs actually commit less than 0.4 percent of all crime. What is “well-documented” is the police hysteria and propaganda generated by police forces being forced to work within the law to prove the allegations they are so fond of making. It is instructive to note that you have taken this nonsense to be fact and are legislating (and I use the term loosely) based on that.

The Crime and Misconduct Commission, Queensland’s top crime-fighting body, has described criminal motorcycle gangs as “high-threat criminal networks” that have increased their involvement in organised crime.

Was that before or after you stacked it with your own government members? On November 20th, former Australian Federal Police Commissioner, Mick Keelty, was scathing in his criticism of your “top crime-fighting body”, Jarrod. He went so far as to imagine it was corrupt, so I can only conclude that is why you moved so quickly to remove whatever independence it may have possessed and made it another government lapdog. But I’m happy to hear evidence to the contrary if you have it.


Something has to be done about this lot. The acting really is terrible.

It also says: “Changes in their internal culture have resulted in them exhibiting an increased propensity to engage in, firstly, illegal drug activity in Queensland and interstate and in the use of violence, particularly firearms related violence.”

And the evidence you have for this allegation is what, precisely? Speculation is not evidence, Jarrod. Surely there was a class about that in university. I understand that a lot of your “intelligence” regarding these clubs has come from a discredited source in the US. Why is that?

The Australian Crime Commission says these gangs are heavily involved in illicit drug markets, vehicle rebirthing, firearms trafficking, serious frauds, money laundering, extortion, prostitution, property crime and bribing and corrupting officials.

Jarrod, did you know that until very recently, the ACC had the Ulysses club listed as an outlaw motorcycle club? And the ACC says lots of things about lots of things, but the question is whether it actually provides any evidence for its statements. You know, like maybe backing up its claims by showing how many members of these clubs have actually been convicted of the offences ascribed to them. Note I said “convicted” not just “charged”. I’m also wondering, that since all of the crimes listed above are already crimes, why was more legislation required to deal with these crimes? Is it because your police force is incompetent and spends too much of its time beating people on the street and in the police stations to focus on what is important?

The ACC also says: “They often form alliances with street gangs, possibly in part as a recruitment tool to undertake the higher-risk aspects of their criminal activities, while remaining insulated from prosecution.”

If that is truly the case, Jarrod, then why not target the street gangs? Oh, you don’t know who these gangs are or if they even exist, do you? You’re relying on more speculative propaganda by a budget-hungry law-enforcement body, aren’t you? Evidence, boy. Evidence. Had you ever spent a day in court actually prosecuting a criminal (or even a civil case), you might have heard of it.

Then there is the very human proof, the casualties of the gangs’ actions, people such as Kathy Devitt. She was shot in the leg, in the middle of the day, while shopping on the Gold Coast. She was allegedly collateral damage, caught in the cross-fire of escalating conflict between rival bikie gangs. Try telling her gangs are not a problem.

Is that it? Is that all you have? One person caught in crossfire? One would think that given the insanity of your response, there would be herds of maimed and wounded and massacred innocents strewn about the streets of Queensland. But there isn’t, is there, Jarrod?

How is it you can only focus on this one, certainly terrible incident, and totally ignore the dozens of incidents and criminally violent actions by your own police force and, dare I say it, the many hundreds of criminal acts of child molestation by the Catholic church? I would be happy to tell Ms Devitt that “gangs are not a problem”. And I would be just as happy to point her to the current Royal Commission into child abuse as an illustration of what, precisely the problem is.


Apparently on their way to steal televisions.

When the Newman government came to office, after effectively 20 years of Johns’s Labor Party, we inherited a state in which criminal motorcycle gangs were thriving. Legislation implemented by the former government simply failed. More than four years since its Criminal Organisations Act 2009 was passed, not a single group has been captured by it.

And can you work out why, Jarrod? No, seriously. Can you work out why “not a single group has been captured by it”? It all comes back to that evidence business, pesky as it is. You cannot prosecute people if there is no evidence they have committed an offence. It is up to the cops to provide this evidence. If it is there. If it is not there, then just declaring that entire groups of people are criminals simply because of what they look like (and that really is what is shitting you badly, isn’t it? Bikies just look evil. Unlike priests or clowns.) is plain wrong.

We implemented a range of new measures to tackle the bikies almost immediately, including increased penalties for firearms offences and the toughest unexplained wealth laws in the country. Despite this, the gangs continued to think they lived outside of the law and what was acceptable in society.

Oh, so now you’re the person to tell society what is and isn’t acceptable to it? That aside, your statement makes no sense. Your government implemented all these tough news laws, because the last government’s laws were not working (according to you), and then your tough news laws didn’t work either. Bastards were still riding their bastard motorcycles around with their bastard colours on, huh? Bastards. Why do you think that is? Maybe because those massive firearms caches did not exist? Could that be it? Maybe it’s because there is no “unexplained wealth”? Is that it? What else could it be, Jarrod? Tell me.

They passed the point of no return when scores of Bandidos rioted in front of diners on the Gold Coast, then surrounded a watch house when their fellow bikies were arrested.

You’ve never actually seen a riot, have you? If you think three blokes boxing on, while a dozen or so stood around being yelled at by terrified police officers constitutes a riot, I would suggest you examine freely available footage of what a riot looks like in Greece, South Korea, or Egypt. It’s nice when you use colourful language like “the point of no return”, but it would be nicer if you were honest and ’fessed up about the odious Police Union needing to be placated by your government, which is what these laws are all about, isn’t it?

The Newman government has taken the strong, necessary action that Queenslanders demanded and deserve. We have brought in, with Labor Party support, a range of reforms that are hitting criminal gangs head on and from within. We deliberately and unapologetically made the legislation and penalties severe to send a message to the bikie gangs that their time in Queensland was over.

Jarrod, do not lie. Queenslanders have neither demanded your legislation, nor do they deserve to be treated like criminals. Every single poll conducted by various outlets states the exact opposite of what you affirm. This makes you either delusional or a liar. Your cheap publicity stunts about colours being handed in are just that and very transparent. Your “reforms” are doing nothing, because there actually isn’t a problem that needs sorting out with these reforms. All you’ve really done is ensured that your legislation will be reamed by the High Court and that you will go down in history as the most ridiculous Attorney-General ever to pretend to the office.

In just 2 1/2 months, more than 430 criminal motorcycle gang members and associates have been arrested in Queensland on more than 900 charges, including extortion, drugs, affray (rioting) and firearms offences. There are also reports that members are handing in their colours and abandoning their club houses.

And how many of them have been convicted? Tell us all. How many of them have been charged with selling drugs to children, re-birthing cars, serious fraud, extortion, drug-supply, etc, etc? These are all the crimes you ascribe to them, thus you must also demonstrate the conviction rates. No-one, apart from you and your blue-suited apes, cares about charges being laid. By your own numbers, that equates to two charges per person, yes? Are all 430 of those people actual members of clubs? Or are you just arresting people with tattoos and hoping they know someone in a club or have been to a clubhouse? Come on, Jarrod, stop being a dickhead and demonstrate some integrity.


“There are bikies in my garden, Jarrod!”

Initial crime statistics also suggest a possible ripple effect. Assaults, robberies and break and enters are down by as much as 60 per cent in parts of the state.

Bullshit. That is just patent bullshit and you know it. Let us not deal in “possible ripple effects”. Let us deal in facts. If you have facts or evidence that one-percenters have stopped climbing through peoples’ windows and knocking off their TVs, show them to us. If, for some reason, people have stopped beating the shit out of each other after a night on the piss (and the media evidence provided each Monday seems to demonstrate how full of shit you are in that regard) then you would be seeing this screamed from the rooftops. That, however is not the case at all. Cavill Avenue remains the violent bogan shithole it has always been, Jarrod. Epic fail.

Gang-related intelligence is also growing. In the past, a twisted code of silence among members and even rival groups made it difficult to prosecute them. Many bikie gang crimes also went unreported because of intimidation and threats of retribution against complainants.

HAHAHAHAAH! Intelligence is “growing”, huh? Is this the same intelligence that tells you these outlaws are infiltrating Ulysses and HOG and various sportsbike groups? Or that The Scorpions MC is a club? Or that the Sons of Anarchy is selling guns via the IRA?

The Crime and Misconduct Commission and the police now have more resources and powers, including the ability to perform intelligence-gathering hearings, and they’re using them.

I’m sure they are. These “intelligence-gathering hearings”, are they those ones you see being conducted on the side of the road when innocent bikers (and all bikers are innocent until proven guilty in a court) are being stopped, photographed and questioned by police so incompetent they cannot tell a bloke on a Ducati from a Hells Angel? Or are there other ones you don’t wanna talk about?

The weight of fear is also lifting from the community with Crime Stoppers receiving about 600 gang-related reports since the beginning of October, a 700 per cent increase.

Oh, please. “Weight of fear”? Really? Do you imagine yourself governing during a zombie apocalypse? How the hell can you equate 20 bogan grannies ringing up every few hours to screech about “bikies” as lifting of the weight of fear? Any and all fear that has been generated has been entirely generated by your propaganda. I am not surprised the A Current Affair-fed bogan fool is seeing bikies under his bed. But I am appalled that you think this is something of substance. Jarrod, please. Have you no shame? Your populist screechings are ever so see-through.

Even our political rivals have acknowledged our efforts. South Australia’s Labor attorney-general turned Speaker Michael Atkinson has been quoted as saying Queensland has found the “magic formula” in the fight against criminal motorcycle gangs. Former prime minister Julia Gillard even called for a response to organised crime earlier this year.

Oh, dear. You really are struggling a bit here, aren’t you? Those idiots in SA have been screeching about the bikie menace ever since Rann decided that bikies are keeping the ladies of SA in wet panties and that could not be tolerated. The state has failed in its Quixotic mission against the clubs, and will continue to do so. Not because the laws are inadequate, but because the crimes ascribed to these people are not actually being committed. And the Gillard call had nothing to do with bike clubs, you silly boy. Stop trying to find allies for your inanities where there aren’t any. You’re starting to remind me of various motorcycle lobby groups.

Many gang members, unsurprisingly, are doing whatever they can to get around our new laws. They are reportedly launching a legal challenge and their PR machine is in top gear, doling out misinformation and fear to legitimate, law-abiding motorcycle riders and groups.

Yeah. How that must suck, huh? Misinformation being fought by misinformation. If only we could all get along, Jarrod. Sigh. Still, I gotta hand it to you, HOG and Ulysses are firmly in your corner. They wanna play dress-up and the sooner you remove the real thing from the world, the happier they will be. But time will show us all the strength of their convictions out in the real world, huh?

Make no mistake, there is a reason these groups are called criminal motorcycle gangs. They even proudly call themselves outlaws. Violence, fear and illegality are their currency and purpose.

The reason they are called “criminal motorcycle gangs” is that your spin-doctors called them that. One would know that “violence, fear and illegality” are more accurately the “currency and purpose” of the Catholic church and the Queensland police force, but your fantasy life is rich, even if your spin-doctors are pretty shithouse.

 Criminal motorcycle gangs are not the only illegal groups that will be captured by the new laws. Other organised crime gangs and pedophile rings also will be targeted.

Sure. I await the prosecution of the Catholic church and the Queensland Police Force with baited breath.

But what I most await is the abyss you and your execrable fear-mongering government will be ultimately plunged into. And that will happen. Because you do not deal in truth and justice, Jarrod. You deal in lies and fear. And each time a regime has dealt in that currency, Jarrod, it has been removed and disgraced.

And that is what will happen to you and yours, Jarrod.

Wait and see.


About the Author

is a writer who has contributed to many magazines and websites over the years, edited a couple of those things as well, and written a few books. But his most important contribution is pissing people off. He feels this is his calling in life and something he takes seriously. He also enjoys whiskey, whisky and the way girls dance on tables. And riding motorcycles. He's pretty keen on that, too.

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