Published on November 4th, 2013 | by Boris


helmets 001

Those are not my teeth. Mine are not as white and less pointy. Also not shown is the tinted slip-down inner visor.

I had always wanted something with one of them shark mouths painted on it.

You know, like the ones that used to be painted on World War Two fighters.

So when I saw that Shark helmets had caused such a thing to occur on one of their lids, I immediately advised Dave Maddock at Ficeda (the importers of Shark helmets) of my excitement.

“Would you like one?” Dave asked.

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And with a flick of the fingers, down slips the inner visor and you may stealthily examine pretty girls in shorts skirts on the footpaths to your heart’s content

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If this appears in your car’s rear-vision mirror, it is too late to plead for mercy.

“I would, Dave,” I replied. “I would. I am soon to risk my life upon some kid’s insane ASBK Superbike at Sydney Motorsport Park and I would fain wear one of these beaut helmets for they would give me strength and make me brave. Like a shark.”

In due course the S7000S arrived, was placed upon my head and the ASBK Superbike dealt with.

I have to confess that I have always been a fan of Shark lids. One of them saved my life when I slammed my head into Turn 11 during my stellar, but brief, racing career. Sadly, it was a Troy Corser replica, painted like a child’s nightmare and thus one of the most ill-conceived helmets from a graphic-design point-of-view ever. But it sure as Hell worked.

But the Legion…well, let me just say that it is helmet porn.

I have lost count of the number of times I have been complimented on the lid, and how many hot women have sought to make sexual congress with me upon beholding it.

That aside, there is some cleverness in its features.

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Betty’s got it going on.

It has a slip-down internal visor – activated by a lever on the side of the lid, that acts like a pair of sunnies. This obviates the need for you to wear sunnies, or to carry a spare visor like one of them OCD weirdos I run across from time to time who insist on pulling up and spending half-an-hour dicking around on the side of the road replacing their tinted visor for a clear one because they are too ill-skilled or fearful to ride home in the dark with a tinted visor.

But let us cast aside the inadequacies of lesser men. They are of no moment in this discussion.

What we have here is a beaut lid boasting a 2.2mm anti-scratch visor, which is Pin-Lock antifog ready, is well ventilated, and has a plush, machine-washable lining.

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You may, of course, add to these bombing missions.

You will have to decide if its comfortable for you and how it behaves on your bike, but it didn’t lift at speed around Sydney Motorsport Park for me. I found it relatively quiet and it certainly offered me no buffeting. It’s also quite light, constructed as it is from thermoplastic resin.

But whatever you decide, if you buy one of these, you will sleep easily knowing you look like a panty-moistening god.

PRICE: $299.95

Available from various bike shops, but you can always contact Ficeda and find out where your nearest stockist is.

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About the Author

is a writer who has contributed to many magazines and websites over the years, edited a couple of those things as well, and written a few books. But his most important contribution is pissing people off. He feels this is his calling in life and something he takes seriously. He also enjoys whiskey, whisky and the way girls dance on tables. And riding motorcycles. He's pretty keen on that, too.

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