Published on April 22nd, 2014 | by Boris


I long ago lost the stress of what to do on Good Friday.

I’ve not been a church-goer for more than 40 years.

The pubs are all closed.

The Highway Patrol and its double-demerit-points feeding frenzy causes an excess build-up of bile in my sweetmeats.

Thus I give thanks to Hard’n’Fast Promotions for its annual Bankstown Bike Show – which has always ticked every box any bloke ever needs ticked on the holiest day of the year.

Let me show you…

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If you get there early, before the crowds, you can get a good look at the bikes.

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This was out in the carpark being for sale.

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They will stunt for food. And rightly so. Brilliant show, by the way.

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My mate, Greg Ferraina, was there to Supermotard his guts out. And he did.

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Yes, good morning to you two too.

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The wondrous Mr Richer and his fine lady from DV8 Leathers.

A gourmet-selection of some of the best custom bikes in the country to salve thine eyes with glory?

Yes – and there was even some dusty, patina-kissed vintage stuff if that took your fancy. But some of the custom builds were just stunning.

Hot babes with jiggly boobies, short skirts and high heels for you to gaze in base lust upon?

Yep. Entire herds of them. And in a variety of shapes, sizes and hair-styles. There were even competitions to stack them in order of lusciousness, for its own sake.

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Black is very slimming

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The devil is in the details

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Well, yes. Fair call.

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Fat and black.

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Not so fat and black. Oh, and I included the bloke so the ladies here will not accuse me of sexism.

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Al, Arianna and Ben. Only Arianna is having a good time.

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This is Miss Evy. She was a baby when I was working for Ozbike.

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Ready for Superpole.

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Heh, and you thought upside-down forks were the last word in handling.

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Classic rigid Shovel

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My old mate, Bob, his son, and a very rare and utterly original Sturgis.

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Clean me, baby.

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Beaut black bagger.

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Yes. Shut up. Just yes. A V8 barstool.

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The Boss Hoss. Enflamed no less.

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Fat it out.

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Those big radius fronts are growing on me.

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I loved this VROD. I wanted to touch myself, but felt that was a bridge too far.

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He’s ready when you are.

Feats of strength, where mighty men did violent and brutal things to each other in a controlled environment, or who contended upon the dirt oval of speed-battle emitting clouds of methanol and spite?

Shit hell verily yes! Not only were there warriors dressed in armour smashing the crap out of each other with edged weapons, there was wrestling, weight-lifting and heaps of stunting, flat-track and super-motard excellentness.

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An armoured ranga? Holy fuck…

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He showed me his war face.

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Masterclass parenting skills.

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Tools of the trade. Probably not by Sidchrome.

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“Dear Lord, please lend strength to my sword arm so that i may smite my enemies and friends with equal ferocity.”

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Team Havoc understands violence.

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See? But wait, there’s more…

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..and done. I could have watched this all day. Thank you, Team Havoc.

Frosty beverages to slake one’s thirst and the seared meat of dead beasts to quell one’s hunger?

In vast abundance so that your arteries could be shown who was boss and how he rolled on a high holy day.

And there was me. Broken, crippled and limping about the place like a kicked dog.

Still, since it was the first day after I smacked the car that I could button up a pair of jeans, I was a happy kicked dog.

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Caged for your safety.

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“Hell, no, I do not want world peace.”

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Stiv, he gets all the girls.

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Being dirty

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Being strong

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Being crazy

I caught up as I do each time I go, with old mates. And as the years go by we congratulate ourselves on still being around. We compare scars. We do a lot of rueful smiling.

And rueful smiling is still smiling.

And there needs to be more of that on long weekends.


Hard’n’Fast Promotions have the day down pat. The show is a miracle of organisation and logistics, and each year, as new things are added to the mix, I’m sure the equation grows even more complex. I would extend my gratitude to the blokes for their hospitality.

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About the Author

is a writer who has contributed to many magazines and websites over the years, edited a couple of those things as well, and written a few books. But his most important contribution is pissing people off. He feels this is his calling in life and something he takes seriously. He also enjoys whiskey, whisky and the way girls dance on tables. And riding motorcycles. He's pretty keen on that, too.

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