“It is like watching the perro loco put the teeth to his own leg before the villagers kill him with rocks so he does not bite their children. Ha ha!”

Ola, Old Mango!

I have been watching you try and throw your destruido Ducati off a bridge all night. You are very funny like that. It’s like when my useless brother crash and then all night he is punching the tyres and picking little rocks out of his nose.

You have such angriness! Such rabia! So much emoción negativa! My father runs from my mother when she makes the menstruación like that.

It is like watching the perro loco put the teeth to his own leg before the villagers kill him with rocks so he does not bite their children. Ha ha!

It is like you blame the bike for crashing, when even I could see muy claro you cannot ride into that corner at that speed. I can, of course, ha ha! But not you! I think it is because you are old, like the cheese of the goat.

You must be calm, si? A man of your age cannot afford to explode in the heart, or to hurt your brain with the boiling blood. Especially when you have signed to be a Repsol with me next year. The fiesta, as they say, has not yet started for us.

Ha ha! It will be so much of the fun. You and me in the same pit garage. You make the yelling and the throwing and the berrinche like the woman, and I winning all the races. Ha ha!

It was good to see Dovi win at Misano, si? He is always so sad, so I do not mind so much if he makes the win here. It distracts the Italianos from trying to poison my food and covering me in spit. So I let him win this one.

You see I try to shake the hand of Rossi, but he makes the folding of the arms and will not touch me. It does not matter. It is only for the camera I put my hand out when I would instead like to throw the water in his old monkey face.

But I very much enjoy the race you make with me. First I make the pass, and then you make the pass, and then me, and then you! It was muy emocionante! But then when I push a little bit harder, you make the big oopsa and my teeth were shining like the sun on the alps under my helmet.

You were like the Black Mango when you fly into the gravel. My brother and I threw four orange mangos into the gravel after the race and it was exactly the same – tumbling, sliding and then all the juice comes out. Very funny, si? Ha ha!

So now we go to Aragon, si? I am very fast there, like I am very fast everywhere, ha ha! And you must try the maximum to catch me, and then make the pass. And then I make the pass and then you and then me, si? We will make the great show for my fans, ha ha!

Maybe by then your team will be able to get your Ducati out of the river where it sank last night. Or maybe they give you another one. Maybe the one Dovi rides that does not crash? Ha ha! I am making the joke with you!

Please make the how you say, chillax, si?

Look at my teeth!

Mark.

About the Author

Boris is a writer who has contributed to many magazines and websites over the years, edited a couple of those things as well, and written a few books. But his most important contribution is pissing people off. He feels this is his calling in life and something he takes seriously. He also enjoys whiskey, whisky and the way girls dance on tables. And riding motorcycles. He's pretty keen on that, too.