Dear George

Published on September 21st, 2017 | by Boris


“I want to know how many legs the Yellow Puta has, how many of them are actually his, and which of them, if any, are broken, or belong to a third party.”

Dear Gigi,

I have arrived at Aragon and I have arrived confused.

What is that terrible Yellow Puta doing or not doing? The last I looked he was regrowing his leg after it fell off.

Now I see he has been riding special secret motorcycles around Misano. What is the R6, Gigi? Why is Yamaha testing this new bike so late in the season and using the one-legged Yellow Puta?

I also want to know who is this Marky Mark Mark Van Mark Der Mark Van Mark. Is he going to ride the Yellow Puta’s new secret bike? Or is he going to donate his leg to the yellow Puta?

Some people have said he has already done that, and the Yellow Puta has been drinking special cocktails made from Agostini’s stem cells, the sex-glands of howler monkeys, and limoncello to make sure his new leg isn’t rejected by his current pelvis.

Seriously, Gigi, did they think I would not notice? I pay very close attention to these things, you know. I even take notes. For my book. And because it helps me to remember things. And because I have such bold and brave handwriting.

So just to be clear on what you have to clarify for me before the race…

I want to know how many legs the Yellow Puta has, how many of them are actually his, and which of them, if any, are broken, or belong to a third party.

I want to know how many legs Marky Mark Mark Van Mark Der Mark Van Mark has, and if he has too many of them, will Dorna allow him to race instead of the Yellow Puta, or will they take turns racing, or will there be another motorcycle out there with a three-legged rider on it?

And lastly, I need to be assured this secret Yamaha R6 which the Yellow Puta rode around Misano, apparently faster than me, and apparently with all of his legs working, will not be racing at Aragon on Sunday.

Now, because I will be racing and winning in front of my people on Sunday, I think it is important for any puta trying to sneak into the circuit wearing yellow to be set upon by dogs.

I have arranged for some dogs to be delivered to the circuit on Friday evening, and it would be good if you and the rest of the crew helped to off-load them from the truck. Mind your fingers! Ha ha! And make sure you’re not wearing anything yellow.

Also, make sure the sign out the front of the circuit is changed to Gran Spartano El Mamba 99 y Martillo y Mantquilla El Aragon con Lorenzoland as agreed with Carmelo.

I think that about covers it for the moment.

We will speak soon, Gigi. Meet me at the dog cages after FP1.




About the Author

is a writer who has contributed to many magazines and websites over the years, edited a couple of those things as well, and written a few books. But his most important contribution is pissing people off. He feels this is his calling in life and something he takes seriously. He also enjoys whiskey, whisky and the way girls dance on tables. And riding motorcycles. He's pretty keen on that, too.

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