FOI REQUEST RAISES COMPETENCY ALARMS IN THE SENATE

A BIKEME! Freedom Of Information request for “all inter-staff communications to or from Jarrod Bleijie during the execution of the department’s duties” has raised concerns about the competency of the Attorney General and his office staff.

After the Courier Mail revealed texts and emails from a staffer riddled with ‘text-speak’ and discussing inappropriate influences over the Crime And Misconduct Commission with the Director Of Public Prosecutions, an FOI request was approved under reference article “If it’s good enough to write down it’s good enough to share with the rest of the class.”

One note from Jarrod Bleijie, a self-espoused ‘legal expert’, to his assistant when it was suggested a way to declaw the Crime And Misconduct Commission could be by declaring it “Functus Officio” read:

“Oh mi[sic] god I love Harry Potter too lol!”

“Over there is probably where I need to fuck off too.”

Functus Officio in fact means an office that has lost its mandate due to expiration or achievement, and is not a magic spell found in a popular children’s book.

Another note from staffer, Terry Glib, to Mr Bleijie is found to read “ROFL buy a different vowel, boss!” when changes to legislation affecting the ‘Onus’ of Proof were being reviewed.

“I’m not into butt stuff, and I don’t see what it has to do with stamping out orginz… orginazed… Bikie Scum.” Was the Attorney General’s reply.

It is no surprise Walter Sofronoff has labeled Queensland’s legal boy-wonder “untrustworthy”, when it seems even basic court terms are beyond his grasp.

In another note obtained, we find Bleijie informing an intern legislation drafter “I think that’s correct.” when he was asked if “an INQUEST is one of those Spanish Monty Python things?”

Law clerk Desmond Shorthand, who asked not to be named, made himself available for comment.

“Oh, that was hilarious. In every damn session of court you would hear solicitors, prosecutors, barristers, everyone talking about ‘Nobody expects the Spanish Inquest!’ and laughing their heads off. It was a crack-up. Even some of the people being remanded in gaol for made up crimes and failing to have answers for secret evidence got a giggle out of it.”

Unfortunately the embarrassment does not end there. A law officer in the Attorney General’s department, Phil Intops, emailed Mr Bleijie for direction on a tort case only to be informed he “Shuld[sic] just ask the bakery what flavour they recommend, and if it’s for the lunch room, expense that shit, bro!”

Premier Campbell Newman was asked to comment on the capability and maturity of the Attorney General’s office.

spanish_inquisition

“I texted the Attorney General’s office about these baseless allegations and can confidently report on their behalf that everything is ‘heaps rad’ and all current legal processes are ‘going ace’.”

Despite the Premier’s assurances, however, legal experts are abandoning the system in droves. Queensland Bar Association head, Peter Davis, has even resigned over the Attorney General’s handling of the state’s justice system.

His assistant made a statement on his behalf.

“Honestly, it’s ridiculous. We emailed Mr Bleijie a simple question about Habeas Corpus and he sent back ‘IDK u will have 2 talk 2 Scott Morrison about dead mexicans lol’.”

“The situation is untenable.”

They’re doing Jarrod’s work

Amid such rampant fear the state’s legal executive head may not be properly qualified or even competent to hold office, it appears The Cruel Sea have the best advice for Can Do Campbell.

“Better get a lawyer, son. Better get a real good one.”

Or perhaps at least one who knows the basics.

Tags: Laughter, Opinion