Dear George

Published on April 19th, 2017 | by Boris

“Gigi, I have found the solution to your problem of not being able to build me a proper Ducati.”

Dear Gigi,

How good am I? I have found the solution to your problem of not being able to build me a proper Ducati. So I am even better than you thought.

I had a secret meeting with these really cool guys from Kakasaki. No, I have not heard of them either, and I’m not sure why they love the colour green so much.

But never mind. We have lots of red paint last time I looked. They have some revolutionary ideas when it comes to motorcycles. Look at this wonderful bike they have prepared for me to test.

They even put my double-devil race numbers on it! Look how pointy those horns are! They are like little Spartan spears! They strike fear into the yellow hearts of all the putas! Especially the biggest and yellowest puta of them all.

And look how lightweight it is! All those stupid fairings are gone! Gigi, this is amazing. The motor is also smaller, which reduces weight also. Think of how much telemetry you can fit into this bike!

I had a short ride on it and I can tell you I am very impressed. There is so much suspension! And I no longer have to crouch down and my cape can flap behind me like the wing of a mighty racing eagle.

I think if you were to put Ducati stickers on this, I am assured of a win on Sunday. A big win, Gigi. Maybe even by ten seconds. The blue puta, Vinales, will shit when I go around him on the outside.

No-one will even know this is not a Ducati. Not even Carmelo and he thinks he knows everything.

Maybe if you called Matthias and told him he should buy Kakasaki, it would be no problem. I’m sure he can get these people and their super-lightweight bikes cheap. I think it is important to save money in business whenever you can.

Get onto this now, Gigi. Don’t make me call my friend, the King.




About the Author

is a writer who has contributed to many magazines and websites over the years, edited a couple of those things as well, and written a few books. But his most important contribution is pissing people off. He feels this is his calling in life and something he takes seriously. He also enjoys whiskey, whisky and the way girls dance on tables. And riding motorcycles. He's pretty keen on that, too.

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