UGLY FISH ULTIMATE SUNNIES MULTI-LENS PACK

It’s oft said that the eyes are the windows to the soul. When you’ve seen the kinds of things I have on the internet – and then touched yourself just a little too vigorously to them – you don’t want people being able to gaze into them; you want those panes of scarred glass boarded up like it’s zombie apocalypse time. It’s unsettling on a good day and extraordinarily terrifying after a particularly weird weekend.

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I’ve been hiding my shame holes with nothing but the best Target sunnies for a few months now so I was pretty happy to cram my face into this Ugly Fish Ultimate Multi-Lens Pack. The fit is really good and I can wear them for hours on end without getting pressure headaches as the combination of my enormous, bowling-ball-shaped head and other sunnies tends to produce.

This is what years of Internet abuse have turned Boon into.

The frame is flexible but feels strong, as if it’d take my perfectly sculpted arse accidentally sitting on it and not even flinch. Changing the arms between the lenses (clear, yellow or tinted) is really easy, even if you are fat of thumb like myself – push in the small clip on the arms and they pop right off to be switched between frames. The elastic strap is just as easy to attach to the different lenses and provides a very snug fit, however I found it fouled on my helmet a lot when I was jamming my head into it. Regular sunglasses mode is my preferred option.

Needs sunnies.

This pack is obviously aimed at the rider who wants to keep their sunnies on when the open-face is off, which makes it a huge shame that the clip-in foam frame designed to seal the glasses around your face is so awful. It feels cheap, makes your eye sockets sweat like bastards when you’re not moving and rather than seal around your eye sockets and keep the wind away, it pushes the glasses further off your face. I took them out after about five seconds and found the glasses alone provide great wind protection on their own.

In summary: they make me look sexy while hiding my thousand-yard stare from years of abusing my brain with twisted internet things, all for a reasonable $125. Can’t complain about that.

UGLY FISH ULTIMATE MULTI-LENS PACK

RRP: $124.95

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