Quick & Dirty

Published on February 7th, 2022 | by Boris



I have a confession to make. I’m one of those blokes who washes his riding gear when it rains. I do this by riding in the rain and bitching about how wet it is. But a part of me also knows…well, hopes, the rain will wash the bugs and road grime from my textile stuff.


And it kinda does. But not really.


I think a big part of the reason I don’t wash my textile gear is that I am lazy. Another factor is I’m not sure what to wash the gear with. GORETEX and Kevlar and all sorts of exotic stuff are part of that gear. If I dump it in a bucket of degreaser, add OMO, and hit it with a pressure washer, things may, once again, go badly.


And then this little bottle of German-made goodness arrived from Made In Germany. Made by Hey Sport and called Tex Wash, it’s a cleaning liquid specifically designed to clean motorcycle textile gear and will gently lick the filth from GORETEX, much like that high-end hooker you once bought in your dreams.


You can use it in your washing machine, but when I suggested this to my wife, she told me to take my dirty bike gear and have sex with it, preferably down the road some.

So I resorted to handwashing. Like my ancestors once washed their battle-stained garments. But instead of a sparkling creek, I got a washbasin, chucked in 30ml of Tex Wash and gave it a stir and waited 17 minutes. Then I hung it up on the clothesline and rinsed it with a hose.


The results were amazing. When a product exceeds one’s expectations, that is always amazing.


“Good job,” my wife said when she came out to see what I was spraying with the hose.


“It’s not me,” I said. “It’s this German stuff. How good does it work!”


“Since when do you get all excited about cleaning?” she said. “I turn on the vacuum cleaner and you piss off to the pub saying the noise hurts your brain.”


“This is different. It’s easy. I don’t actually have to do anything difficult or tiring.”


“It’s made for men, then?”


I guess it is.


So a 250mm bottle is $22. You should get between eight and ten washes out of it. You use a little less liquid if you’re allowed to use the washing machine.



About the Author

is a writer who has contributed to many magazines and websites over the years, edited a couple of those things as well, and written a few books. But his most important contribution is pissing people off. He feels this is his calling in life and something he takes seriously. He also enjoys whiskey, whisky and the way girls dance on tables. And riding motorcycles. He's pretty keen on that, too.

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