Articles

Published on December 30th, 2021 | by Boris

HELD MARLOW JEANS REVIEW – THE ULTIMATE IN RIDING DENIM

“Open the bag,” Ray said, plonking a hefty back-pack kinda thingy with a big Held logo onto my kitchen counter.

I opened it and discovered a pair of jeans. They felt…well, very substantial.

“Jeans,” I said. “In a bag. Interesting concept.”

“Look closer,” Ray grinned.

I looked. I felt. I even sniffed the damn things to see if that revealed anything new.

Quality guaranteed by Germany.

I saw the jeans were actually made in Germany, which pleased me greatly. Far too much bike gear is made in Pakistan these days by people seeking to profit from cheap labour and incredibly iffy manufacturing standards.

It’s very easy to get your crap made in a third-world shithole, tell people it’s designed in Australia/America/England and think you’ve fooled the buyer into imagining he has bought a quality item.

Designed in Australia? For sure. Here’s a picture OF THAT BULLSHIT…

“Mehmet. Make me something that looks just like this Picture I have sent you on the Internet so I can sell it for 20 times what I’m paying you. Oh, and leave off the Made In Pakistan label and sew on the Designed In Australia label. There’s a good chap, Insha’Allah.

You all know that. That’s how things roll – not only in the motorcycle garment industry, but in many other garment industries.

Just understand, you are getting EXACTLY what you pay for. EXACTLY. And you’ll appreciate that the very first time you need the garment to do what it’s meant to do and it doesn’t. Oh well, huh?

I’ve worn them everywhere…

Big-name brands do make a lot of their stuff in countries where labour is cheaper. But, and this is the difference between big-name brands and the little wannabes, big-name brands build their own manufacturing facilities in the cheap-labour countries. The quality control is on-site. Their reputations are on the line.

…on everything.

Of course, when you do get a motorcycle garment that is actually made in and by a first-world industrial superpower, like Germany, you can rest assured it is as good as it gets. You’re going to pay a premium, but once again, you are getting EXACTLY what you’re paying for.

And these Held Marlow jeans that come in their own bag, are as good as riding jeans come. Thanks to the materials used and the quality of the craftsmanship that goes into them, they are meant to be as, if not more, abrasion-resistant than leathers if you have an oopsie.

Jeans you don’t have to lie down to put on.

Is that the case? I don’t know. I have not crashed in them. But I have researched them some. They are serious.

They are made from Armalith fibre. And Armalith fibre is made by combining Ultra-High Molecular Weight Polyethylene (UHMWPE) with cotton fibre.

For the science nerds, this means that at a molecular level the chains of polyethylene are extremely long, which gives them an incredible tensile strength. How incredibly strong? Its tensile strength is stronger than steel.

It makes Kevlar and Cordura weak and struggling by comparison. Its features are so unique and it is so tough it has replaced Kevlar in bulletproof vests and the steel cables that once moored off-shore drilling rigs. It’s also what they use for the re-entry cables on space modules.

If you’re keen, there’s a bunch of graphs that compare Armalith to its lesser rivals HERE.

TECHNOLOGY

So, the Marlow jeans being tougher than your mother-in-law’s judgement, you would expect them to feel like you’re wearing a pair of chimney flues.

And that’s the clincher. Armalith is not a liner. It’s integrated into the actually fabric of the jeans. It’s a one-layer garment. And, may my eyes fall out of my head if I’m lying, it stretches like a pair of tights.

I put them on at Ray’s behest and made swearing noises. He laughed.

“These are amazing!” I said.

“Crazy, huh?”

“This is some next-level sorcery bullshit,” I mumbled squatting up and down and feeling nothing but a stretchy pair of jeans coating my legs.

“How long does the beautness last?” I asked. “Once I’ve washed it 20 or so times will it start to lose its integrity?”

Brilliant double-stitching.

Ray laughed again.

“That’s what happens to Kevlar. It’s a UV-resistance thing, which is accelerated by the rate the garment absorbs moisture. They all absorb moisture and so degrade over time as you washy them and dry them. The UHMWPE has a moisture absorbency of zero. It will not degrade, no matter how many times you wash it.”

“Get the fuck outta here…” I said. What else could I say? These were not just riding jeans. These were sorcery and voodoo and witchcraft.

I have now owned and worn these things for about five months. They have been washed ruthlessly. Each time I put them on they feel exactly the same as they did when they were new. The colour has faded a touch (that’s the cotton), but the integrity feels exactly the same.

They are supremely comfortable – even on my “I ate too much ham days”. Stretchy material is the best thing ever made for fat people. And stretchy material which is stronger than leather has got to be the best thing ever made for motorcycle riders.

Are they warmer than normal jeans? Yes. But only a little.

Are they cooler than your Kevlar jobbies. Oh Hell yes.

That’s the soft SARS-TEC knee-armour you can see bulging out. This is after more than 20 washes.

By any measure, Held’s Marlow jeans are Next-Level riding pants. And yes, they come with adjustable armour in the knees and hips and a pocket for coccyx armour as well.

But they’re not cheap. I’m being serious. If you’re buying your bike gear at Aldi or on eBay, or rummaging through bargain bins at bike shops, you need to click off this right now. These jeans are not for you.

Just let me repeat that you always get EXACTLY what you pay for.

In this instance, you’ll be paying $600. Yes, I know, I know. That’s more than what all your riding gear combined cost you a few years back.

You can buy an entire Pakistani-made race suit for that kinda change. And maybe you should. I don’t know.

I just know these are the finest riding jeans I have ever worn, and they will see me out to the end of my riding career.

WHERE CAN I GET THEM?

The Made In Germany website is HERE.

You can send them an email at info@mig.bike or you can call them on 1800 916 916.

If you’re a subscriber to my website, you may well get a slight discount. It pays to subscribe and to ask for the discount when you call. Ray has a list of my subscribers, so if you’re lying he’ll know.

About the Author

Boris is a writer who has contributed to many magazines and websites over the years, edited a couple of those things as well, and written a few books. But his most important contribution is pissing people off. He feels this is his calling in life and something he takes seriously. He also enjoys whiskey, whisky and the way girls dance on tables. And riding motorcycles. He's pretty keen on that, too.