Dear Gigi,<\/p>\n
How is the building of the Super Mamba <\/em>la Magn\u00edfica Sala de Victoria de Firma de Libros<\/em> pavillion going?<\/p>\n You don\u2019t expect me to sign copies of my new book out the back in Parc Firme like some homeless piece of mierda<\/em>, do you? Ha ha!<\/p>\n So the Signing Throne (covered in the skin of cobras who are the enemies of the mambas) and the 268-Karat gold Texta pen will all be ready for me after I dominate FP1 in North Mexico on Friday, yes?<\/p>\n I think I am excellent at being an author, Gigi. It is another notch on my Belt of Brave Achievements Only I Could Have Achievemented.<\/p>\n You will remember my first book, My Story So Far<\/em>, sold nine copies. Nine, Gigi! That was the most sales of any book ever written by a racer. That Milk-Hating Puta, Stacey Coner, his stupid book only sold three copies to all three of his parents. Ha!<\/p>\n Yes, the Yellow Puta, and I cago en la leche<\/em> of his puta madre<\/em>, sold 78 million copies of his book. But he bought them all himself. So it does not count.<\/p>\n This new book will sell many more copies. Maybe 15, or even 16. The title is fantastic, isn\u2019t it, Gigi? Lo Que Aprendi Hasta Los 30<\/em>, What I Learned By The Time I Reached 30. It just rolls off the Spanish tongue, doesn\u2019t it?<\/p>\n Especially when the rest of the heading is added. Mis Secretos Para Alcanzar El Exito En Todo Lo Que Te Propongas<\/em>, or in stupid English, My Secrets To Achieve Success In Everything You Set For You \u2013 and that you is me, Gigi, not you, OK?<\/p>\n I have told many secrets in this book. The first is that Carlito makes the smells from his breath when he sleeps. It is very unpleasant.<\/p>\n Also, the Ducati is the same red colour as the weeping rash on my grandfather\u2019s elbows. No-one knew that until now. It is a good omen, I think, Gigi.<\/p>\n But I want to write a different book every month for the next year because that is what great authors do. I have planned them out, so you will know what to put in your diary.<\/p>\n My Birthday Month book \u2013 Starting At The Back Of The Grid Is Safer And Faster For A Champion<\/em> <\/strong><\/p>\n June book \u2013 The Best Beaches To Play Football On With Your Handsome Friends<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n July book \u2013 How To Cut The Face Of The Yellow Puta So He Is Not A Man Anymore<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n August book \u2013 Is That Little Brown Malaysian Man Jonas Folger?<\/strong> The Month After August book \u2013 The Other Best Place To Put The Octopus<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n September book \u2013 The Things I Dream Of When I Lose My Pants In My Motorhome<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n Christmas Month \u2013 Ignore The Dashboard During The Race Because It Is Stupid<\/strong> February \u2013 When I Brought Kawasaki Into MotoGP To Win The Championship<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n Jamon-Making Month \u2013 Italian Swear Words I have Learned From Gigi.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n Speak To Suzuki Again Month \u2013 Why The Sad-Eyed Puta Is Like A Chicken I Once Strangled<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n So there you are, Gigi.<\/p>\n It is very good I think.<\/p>\n Oh, please find out who is this Herbert Diess puta and why is he sending me SMS messages? What does he want? Is this some kind of sex-talk thing for lonely men? I do not want that, Gigi.<\/p>\n Please make sure it stops.<\/p>\n I am very excited to be in North Mexico again. It is good here. All the people are fat, which makes me feel very superior.<\/p>\n Make sure you put the pavilion in the shade. The sun makes the sweat inside me come out.<\/p>\n I am always in the first place on top of the mountains of successful dreaming, Gigi.<\/p>\n George.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Dear Gigi, How is the building of the Super Mamba la Magn\u00edfica Sala de Victoria de Firma de Libros pavillion going? You don\u2019t expect me to sign copies of my new book out the back in Parc Firme like some homeless piece of mierda, do you? Ha ha! So the Signing Throne (covered in the [&hellip<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":750335,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[252],"tags":[253],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/750289"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=750289"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/750289\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":750362,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/750289\/revisions\/750362"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/750335"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=750289"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=750289"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=750289"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\n<\/em>
\nAlso August book \u2013 The Best Place To Put The Octopus<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n
\n<\/em>
\nNew Year\u2019s Month \u2013 How I Stunted The Growth Of Pedrosa And Made Meando In The Milk Of The Stacey<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n