Dear George,<\/p>\n
I\u2019m not convinced we can execute Alex Deb\u00f3n with a firing squad as a going-away present.\u00a0I know you\u2019ve ordered the guns and the uniforms and even had one of the mechanics knock up a brick wall in the Ducati staff carpark, but I\u2019m pretty sure Claudio is not going to let you shoot \u201cthat bald, flea-bitten old fracaso traicionero<\/em> who smells like an orphan-bed full of tears and piss\u201d.<\/p>\n I know he was \u201cAlways mierda on a motorcycle, is mierda now on a motorcycle , and will forever be mierda on a motorcycle\u201d, but that does not give you the right to shoot him in his \u201cstupid Yellow-Puta-spy face\u201d.<\/p>\n I\u2019m convinced he is not passing any confidential information to Rossi. What can Deb\u00f3n tell him? You\u2019re slow and you fell off at Qatar? I think Rossi knows that.<\/p>\n But thank you for sending me the photo which shows you making fresh defecaci\u00f3n<\/em> in your leathers every time Deb\u00f3n speaks to you, but I must remind you it\u2019s entirely your fault he\u2019s even here, wandering around the pits praying to the Santa Maria Madre de Dios<\/em> to give him strength and drinking vino barato <\/em>like a homeless and soon-to-be unemployed derelict.<\/p>\n Yes, I know people will think he might be Redding or Smith if the light is bad, and that is a little bit funny, but it\u2019s still your fault, George.<\/p>\n You\u2019ll remember we initially hired Michele Pirro to coach you in how to rub yourself against the sex-octopus, and where it\u2019s best to feel the telemetry with your thighs, yes? Unfortunately, Michele rode his test Ducati, an old Pantah from last century we put sexy new fairings on, faster than you rode every MotoGP Ducati we\u2019ve ever made. Or ever will make.<\/p>\n So Claudio sent him away because someone has to develop the damn bikes for Dovizioso, and he heard you\u2019d bought mamba death-venom to rub onto the inside of Michele\u2019s leathers in the hope he\u2019d \u201cdie screaming with diseased yellow water running down his skinny puta legs\u201d.<\/p>\n So then we hired Alex because he was so shit at racing he couldn\u2019t possibly upset you by riding faster than you. We wouldn\u2019t even let him sit on your MotoGP bike. He was only allowed to look at pictures of it, just like you insisted.<\/p>\n We then made him learn the tracks on Playstation so you would believe he actually knew what he was talking about when he said you should \u201cnot show so much the terror in Turn 3 at Qatar because the foul Arabs beat their camels with joy when they see fear in the infidel\u201d.<\/p>\n We thought you liked him because you didn\u2019t spit into his coffee like you do into Andrea\u2019s every morning.<\/p>\n And then he showed you his 250cc lap-times from 2007, all of which were faster than your lap times from 2017. And everything pretty much went to hell after that, didn\u2019t it?<\/p>\n You were never going to be able to skin him well enough to wear his \u201cstinking bitch-hide like a Spartan war-cape\u201d, but it was the threat that you\u2019d try that got everyone upset.<\/p>\n And you\u2019re still not allowed to shoot him in the face, OK? It\u2019s not at all a \u201cbetter trade-off than skinning the hopeless bald fuck\u201d.<\/p>\n Besides, Dorna will not sanction it. I think Rossi made the same request about Marquez two years ago and while Carmelo did think about it, he did decide not to proceed.<\/p>\n Try and focus on Argentina. I know you like to call yourself El Conquistador el grande y terrible <\/em>there, but just like last year, it\u2019s going to be hard to get the local people to line the streets and throw flowers at you during the parade you\u2019re not allowed to have.<\/p>\n Still, I know you like Argentina better than the USA where they all think you\u2019re Mexican.<\/p>\n In the meantime, there\u2019s to be no firing squad for Deb\u00f3n, OK? Promise?<\/p>\n Gigi.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Dear George, I\u2019m not convinced we can execute Alex Deb\u00f3n with a firing squad as a going-away present.\u00a0I know you\u2019ve ordered the guns and the uniforms and even had one of the mechanics knock up a brick wall in the Ducati staff carpark, but I\u2019m pretty sure Claudio is not going to let you shoot [&hellip<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":607116,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[252],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/607107"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=607107"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/607107\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":607860,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/607107\/revisions\/607860"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/607116"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=607107"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=607107"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=607107"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}