{"id":584778,"date":"2018-02-23T08:23:03","date_gmt":"2018-02-22T22:23:03","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/bikeme.tv\/?p=584778"},"modified":"2018-02-23T16:55:22","modified_gmt":"2018-02-23T06:55:22","slug":"from-memory-checa-was-too-fat-elias-wore-too-much-make-up-melandri-spelled-his-name-wrong-nakano-squinted-all-the-time-crutchlow-tried-to-bite-you-at-sepang-one-year-pol-espagaros-had","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/from-memory-checa-was-too-fat-elias-wore-too-much-make-up-melandri-spelled-his-name-wrong-nakano-squinted-all-the-time-crutchlow-tried-to-bite-you-at-sepang-one-year-pol-espagaros-had\/","title":{"rendered":"“From memory Checa was too fat, Elias wore too much make-up, Melandri spelled his name wrong, Nakano squinted all the time, Crutchlow tried to bite you at Sepang one year, Pol Espagaro had the narrow eyes of a pig…”"},"content":{"rendered":"

Dear George,<\/p>\n

It was quite a surprise to hear from you.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t think we\u2019ve spoken since that time you walked into my pit garage and told me I should: \u201cStop throwing good money and average motorcycles at shit-putas who ride like slugs covered in salt!\u201d You then went on to list these \u201cshit-putas\u201d and their failings.<\/p>\n

From memory Checa was too fat, Elias wore too much make-up, Melandri spelled his name wrong, Nakano squinted all the time, Crutchlow tried to bite you at Sepang one year, Pol Espagaro had the narrow eyes of a pig, Brad Smith\u2019s freckles made you ill, Zarco was a thrice-accursed French mincer like myself, and Dovizioso was just a weepy, soft-eyed sack of fail who would never amount to anything and you were ashamed to share a track with such an insufferable disappointment.<\/p>\n

Mais oui<\/em>, I did pass all your views on to the people concerned.<\/p>\n

\"\"

The Number One is a really great number, remember?<\/strong><\/p><\/div>\n

Now about my team and your offer. I do not think you\u2019re the right person to buy the Tech3 concern. Yes, I realise your plan is to paint my old Yamaha\u2019s Ducati red, and make all the racers wear leathers with your name on them to \u201cconfuse the senile Yellow Puta\u201d, but I don\u2019t think that will work.<\/p>\n

I have a very good offer from another party. And if I take up that offer, I will not have to build a metre-high Spartan altar in each pit garage, buy you a new island each summer, or genuflect every time I approach you. My knees aren\u2019t what they used to be. I have no idea how Le Gigi still manages.<\/p>\n

So that\u2019s an excellent incentive not to sell you Tech3, d\u2019accord<\/em>?<\/p>\n

I do appreciate your offer. It’s not everyday I am promised four legs of prime Spanish jamon<\/em> and a whole box of your new book Eat My Hot Mamba Mierde, Bitches!<\/em>\u00a0 in exchange for an entire MotoGP team.<\/p>\n

Don\u2019t get me wrong. I also know how much money Matthias is paying you, so there\u2019s no need to remind me how much that \u201cStupid German horse-sexer\u201d respects your dedication to the projected and highly anticipated success of your personal MotoGP championship plan.<\/p>\n

Like Matthias, I\u2019m convinced your determination to attain more MotoGP glory is second to none \u2013 except perhaps Zarco\u2019s. He is like a Napoleon that one! So fearless! So tres sexy et puissant<\/em>, as we say in Paris.<\/p>\n

I sometimes wish he had a proper French surname like \u201cChampagne\u201d or \u201cDe Gaulle\u201d. Or even \u201cPoncharal\u201d, ha ha! I\u2019m sure you\u2019ll agree \u201cZarco\u201d sounds far too Italian.<\/p>\n

Just like \u201cLorenzo\u201d, non<\/em>? HAHAHAHAAH!<\/p>\n

Anyway, I have contracts to sign.<\/p>\n

Bonne chance<\/em>.<\/p>\n

Herv\u00e9 Poncharal<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Dear George, It was quite a surprise to hear from you. I don\u2019t think we\u2019ve spoken since that time you walked into my pit garage and told me I should: \u201cStop throwing good money and average motorcycles at shit-putas who ride like slugs covered in salt!\u201d You then went on to list these \u201cshit-putas\u201d and [&hellip<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":584794,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[252],"tags":[253],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/584778"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=584778"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/584778\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":584903,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/584778\/revisions\/584903"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/584794"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=584778"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=584778"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=584778"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}