Dear George,<\/p>\n
What have you done with Andrea?<\/p>\n
You haven\u2019t locked him in that cupboard where you keep all those pictures of yourself again, have you? He cried for weeks the last time you did that.<\/p>\n
Matthias wants to congratulate him for his win. Just think, had you kept leading, he might have been moved to congratulate you, instead of calling his friends in Poland who run that special retreat he wants to send you to.<\/p>\n
Still, 11 laps at the front is pretty good. You must have been very pleased with yourself. It was hard to tell. When you came back into the garage after you placed fourth and started yelling about the stupid French putas who make tyres out of snail-cheese, and how you\u2019re going to drive to Clermont-Ferrand and feed Michelin\u2019s CEO, Jean-Dominique Senard, to the biggest pack of stray dogs you can find, you looked pretty upset.<\/p>\n
Don\u2019t be put out. You did very well. Fourth is pretty good, all things considered. You beat Zarco and Vinales. You hardly ever beat Zarco and Vinales. And you’re seventh in the championship with 79 points. That’s only 95 points behind Marc. You only have to win the next four races in a row, and Marc, Maverick, Vale, Dani, Johann, Jonas, Danilo, and Alvaro all have to crash in those races and the championship is yours – as you have predicted it would be.<\/p>\n
Look, I got that clown costume you asked me to get for Sam Lowes. It\u2019s very thoughtful of you to offer him a job as your court jester, but I don\u2019t think he will enjoy wearing those big shoes and the silly red nose while he tells you dirty jokes about Valentino Rossi\u2019s mother.<\/p>\n
And no, Rossi is not \u201ccrying like an orphan girl whose parents were murdered by pirates\u201d. It\u2019s also unlikely he\u2019s self-harming, even though I know you think you can hear him through the walls of his motorhome dragging razor blades across his forearms. You know perfectly well Lin doesn\u2019t allow razor blades anywhere near his racers.<\/p>\n
I\u2019m also not in favour of giving Marc a big fruit-basket for almost wiping out Andrea on the last corner. You don\u2019t want people to think you had something to do with that attempted pass, do you? Just let it be.<\/p>\n
Now tell me what you\u2019ve done with Andrea. I can hear whimpering, but it\u2019s hard to tell where it\u2019s coming from. Please tell me he\u2019s in your cupboard and not underground somewhere. You know how dark, constricted spaces frighten him.<\/p>\n
Once we\u2019ve celebrated his win \u2013 no, of course you don\u2019t have to come \u2013 the crew and I will take you out for a few sangrias to toast your fourth place and the fact you led for all those laps.<\/p>\n
But we have to celebrate with Andrea first. Now tell me where he is.<\/p>\n
Very concerned,<\/p>\n
Gigi.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Dear George, What have you done with Andrea? You haven\u2019t locked him in that cupboard where you keep all those pictures of yourself again, have you? He cried for weeks the last time you did that. Matthias wants to congratulate him for his win. Just think, had you kept leading, he might have been moved [&hellip<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":448672,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[252],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/448658"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=448658"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/448658\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":448707,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/448658\/revisions\/448707"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/448672"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=448658"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=448658"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=448658"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}