Dear George,<\/p>\n
Before you start screaming and breaking things, just hear me out.<\/p>\n
We\u2019re going to give you a new fairing for the Brno round. We\u2019ve been working on it while you were off trying on sunglasses over the summer break, and we got Danilo to test it at Misano.<\/p>\n
Danilo will ride anything we give him, just as long as it\u2019s painted red. Just for a laugh one day during the test, we dyed a mule red and sent him out for a few laps.<\/p>\n
Bastard rode that poor animal like a heathen. He had the screaming beast cranked so far over in the turns its hooves were kicking up sparks as it scrabbled for traction. He didn\u2019t even know it was a mule for like maybe five laps. He said later he thought its braying and screeching was coming from your motorhome.<\/p>\n
But he was still about half-a-second a lap faster than you. Now don\u2019t go crazy. It was a pretty fit mule, and Danilo was whipping it like a disobedient slave.<\/p>\n
I know you wanted winglets. But winglets are banned this year, remember? Especially since you also wanted them installed on your helmet, boots, gloves and back.<\/p>\n
And we also know that no matter how many Japanese sex-octopuses we force into your rear cowling, how much telemetry we install in the engine, or how wonderful you think your new Mambodromic valves are, at the end of the day, we need to make the bike more stable.<\/p>\n
That way, on those now rare occasions when you twist the throttle, you won\u2019t squirt yellow fright-pee from your bottom, and all things being equal, you won\u2019t qualify in last place again.<\/p>\n
And Danilo liked the new fairing. \u201cThe Misano test was good,\u201d he said. \u201cI was surprised by how many things Ducati built during the first part of the season.\u201d I think he was looking at your bike when he said that.<\/p>\n
Because we\u2019re not surprised. \u00a0We\u2019re up to George Seat Number 97. There is no more super-grip MotoGP-seat material left on this earth and we\u2019re now having to recycle the stuff you rejected after Qatar.<\/p>\n
So this is all about \u201cdownforce\u201d, George. Without getting too technical, downforce is a combination of air resistance and gravity and has the effect of pushing the bike down towards the ground while giving it increased stability.<\/p>\n
Don\u2019t overthink it. You don\u2019t need to know how sausages are made.<\/p>\n
I know you wanted me to create \u201cbutterforce\u201d to help you go faster, but we\u2019re running out of places to put your special-needs technology.<\/p>\n
Mario did suggest we fit your bike with a 44-litre topbox, which would hold several more octopi and a heap more telemetry, and we could have even incorporated a back-rest onto it, so you could rest on the straights.<\/p>\n
But Carmelo told me to fuck off when I ran the idea past him. He then threatened to drug-test me and beat me with wet ropes, and we can\u2019t have that.<\/p>\n
And speaking of being beaten with wet ropes, Matthias told me he bought some really fine lengths of thick sisal and some buckets he plans to fill with seawater. He wants to show them to you at some stage.<\/p>\n
So there you have it. You don\u2019t have to use the new fairing. But it\u2019s there if you do.<\/p>\n
Don\u2019t be late for practice. They\u2019re not going to wait for you.<\/p>\n
Still hopeful,<\/p>\n
Gigi.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Dear George, Before you start screaming and breaking things, just hear me out. We\u2019re going to give you a new fairing for the Brno round. We\u2019ve been working on it while you were off trying on sunglasses over the summer break, and we got Danilo to test it at Misano. Danilo will ride anything we [&hellip<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":446896,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[252],"tags":[253],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/446884"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=446884"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/446884\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":446912,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/446884\/revisions\/446912"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/446896"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=446884"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=446884"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=446884"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}