{"id":443745,"date":"2017-07-21T08:54:20","date_gmt":"2017-07-20T22:54:20","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/bikeme.tv\/?p=443745"},"modified":"2017-07-22T14:00:05","modified_gmt":"2017-07-22T04:00:05","slug":"i-know-why-he-picks-his-testiculos-and-his-culo-when-he-rides-out-of-the-pits","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/i-know-why-he-picks-his-testiculos-and-his-culo-when-he-rides-out-of-the-pits\/","title":{"rendered":"“I know why he picks his test\u00edculos and his culo when he rides out of the pits…”"},"content":{"rendered":"

Dear Gigi,<\/p>\n

I have some really good news. I have decided to write my memoirs. So while the other putas are all partying on the beach with sluts who have pierced their genitals, I am doing something great for the sport.<\/p>\n

So I have decided to call my book Fifty Shades of Putas<\/em>. I think that is a great title. I did think about calling it Why They\u2019re All Mierda And I Am The Mamba<\/em>, but it was too long and I would have to use a smaller picture of myself on the cover.<\/p>\n

\"\"

Look how good I am writing, Gigi!<\/p><\/div>\n

So far I have just written the chapter headings.<\/p>\n

Chapter One will be The Rise Of The Mamba<\/strong>. It will detail how I struggled and conquered to become the greatest 12-year-old motorcycle racer ever. I will also include my school report cards where my teachers state how they could already see how incredible I was going to become. \u201cGeorge is making many motorcycle noises in science class\u201d, one teacher wrote. He knew.<\/p>\n

Chapter Two is called Bringing The Sexy To MotoGP<\/strong>. It will showcase my arrival to the championship and how everything changed when I brought the butter to the paddock. Did you notice how the grid girls\u2019 skirts got shorter when that happened? That was no accident, Gigi!<\/p>\n

Chapter Three is Why Rossi Is A Shitbitch<\/strong>. Everyone already knows why, but I have some special insights because I was his team-mate. I know why he picks his test\u00edculos and his culo when he rides out of the pits. Only I know this. No-one else. It is because he makes too much sweating from the prosciutto he eats.<\/p>\n

Chapter Four is Of Course I Am Better Than Him<\/strong>. Here I will describe all the ways I am greater than the Yellow Puta. It will be a long chapter and it will have diagrams and mathematics. No-one will ever doubt about this again, because science.<\/p>\n

Chapter Five is called He Never Ever Really Beat Me Ever<\/strong>, and I will put to rest all those rumours about him defeating me on the racetrack. Which never really happened because Photoshop was invented and his victories were all faked.<\/p>\n

Chapter Six is called When The Mamba Brings The Hammer To The Butter In Sparta<\/strong>. I\u2019m not sure what this chapter is about yet. I may just use pictures of my face being triumphant and dramatic.<\/p>\n

Chapter Seven must be The Spartan Dreams<\/strong>. This will be a chapter of haikus I will write about me. I have already written two.<\/p>\n

My hand is on the throttle<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

It is strong<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

I race into battle<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

and<\/p>\n

The Yellow Puta crashes<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

His bones scream<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

I drink sangria<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

Pretty good, huh, Gigi?<\/p>\n

The final chapter will be How Ducati Destroyed My Career<\/strong>. Haha! Only kidding, Gigi. Probably.<\/p>\n

I am very much looking forward to winning at Brno. Have you had the victory T-shirts printed yet? I think Lord Of The Putas in big gold writing on a red Spartan background with crossed spears is going to be very popular with my fans.<\/p>\n

Do not worry, Gigi. I got this.<\/p>\n

Love,<\/p>\n

George.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Dear Gigi, I have some really good news. I have decided to write my memoirs. So while the other putas are all partying on the beach with sluts who have pierced their genitals, I am doing something great for the sport. So I have decided to call my book Fifty Shades of Putas. I think [&hellip<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":443774,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[252],"tags":[253],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/443745"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=443745"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/443745\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":443957,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/443745\/revisions\/443957"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/443774"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=443745"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=443745"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=443745"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}