I had lunch with Boris, and he gave me a Nolan N44 helmet.<\/p>\n
\u201cThis is an important helmet\u201d, he said. \u201cIt has all their comms stuff built in. You will love it. Give me a thousand words.\u201d<\/p>\n
I downloaded a manual for it. It has a microphone and speakers built in, and a Bluetooth interface. I downloaded the iPhone app, and paired the helmet to my GPS. My GPS started talking to me in a female voice. I\u2019d never heard it do that before. She sounded kind of cute, if a bit passive-aggressive when you didn\u2019t do what she said. <\/p>\n
[Sigh.] [Rolls eyes.] \u201cRecalculating\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
Then the helmet said “Low battery” in my ear, and a normal mini-USB cable wouldn\u2019t fit. Boris told me it didn\u2019t come with a cable, so I went to the motorcycle accessories joint in town and ordered one. They said there was only one in the country and it was in Melbourne, and they would call me when it arrived.<\/p>\n
I went in the next weekend to pick it up and they told me they weren\u2019t expecting me because they hadn\u2019t called me and told me to come back when they called.<\/p>\n
Three weeks later they called me and said come in and pick up the cable, so I rode in and they gave me the wrong one.<\/p>\n
I went home and found one on eBay in England and ordered it. I rode around in the helmet for a week. It\u2019s black, which I don\u2019t like because it absorbs heat, but it was winter so I didn\u2019t mind. The visor closes with a satisfying clunk like closing the door on a luxury car. It has little winglets on the front to stop it lifting, like a MotoGP Ducati. It has a retractable tinted sunshade. It\u2019s quieter than my other helmets. You can press a couple of buttons and the chinpiece comes off and makes it an open-face helmet, but the microphone is still there. I liked it. It felt like a quality piece of kit.<\/p>\n
The cable arrived from England, and I charged my helmet. I paired it with my iPhone, and put my iPhone in the Rammount thing and rode down to the motorway. I merged into the traffic and then I pressed the button twice to activate Siri, and said \u201cCall Ben\u2019s mobile.\u201d<\/p>\n
The phone said it couldn\u2019t do that because it was locked. I tried to put in the unlock code, but it doesn\u2019t recognize your fingers if you\u2019re wearing gloves.<\/p>\n
I stopped and took off my gloves and put in the unlock code, then I merged back in to the traffic, and pushed the button twice and said \u201cCall Ben\u2019s mobile.\u201d <\/p>\n
It went to voicemail. I left a message that I was testing a phone and told him to call me back.<\/p>\n
He didn\u2019t.<\/p>\n
I wore it to work the next day. It paired with my iPhone automatically. No-one called me.<\/p>\n
I left work and was riding home when the phone rang. I pressed the button on the side of the helmet and said \u201cHi Ben\u201d. It wasn\u2019t Ben.<\/p>\n
It was an American guy from the Phoenix Arizona office of GoDaddy support. He said they had been working on the problem I reported earlier with one of their DNS servers and they had fixed it. I said I couldn\u2019t test the fix right now because I was riding a motorcycle. <\/p>\n
\u201cWow\u201d, he said. \u201cAs if Australia wasn\u2019t dangerous enough.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat do you mean?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n
\u201cIsn\u2019t the place full of deadly spiders and snakes?\u201d he said.<\/p>\n
\u201cOh that\u201d, I said. \u201cYeah. You generally only see five or six of them on the way to work though. It would be tolerable if you could carry a pistol, but it\u2019s illegal.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHow come?\u201d he asked. <\/p>\n
\u201cWell\u201d, I said, \u201chave you ever heard of the Emu War?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo\u201d, he said.<\/p>\n
\u201cType it into Google,\u201d I told him.<\/p>\n
\u201cHoly shit,\u201d he said twenty seconds later. \u201cThey won.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYep\u201d, I said. \u201cAnd the first thing they did after that was take our guns off us.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s just wrong\u201d, he said. \u201cAnyhow, you test the DNS when you get home and I think you\u2019ll find it\u2019s working.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m not going home\u201d, I said. \u201cI\u2019m going to visit a friend.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s nice\u201d, he said.<\/p>\n
\u201cNot really\u201d, I said. \u201cHe told me he went home yesterday and his wife was acting strange, and wouldn\u2019t meet his eye, and then he noticed a large feather sticking out from under the couch.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWait\u201d, he said, \u201cWhat was that\u2026?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cLow battery,\u201d the helmet said in my ear.<\/p>\n
\u201cSorry\u201d, I said. \u201cGot to go.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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