Dear Gigi,<\/p>\n
I write this letter on behalf of the Ducati Corse mechanics in the hope we can find a better way to interpret George\u2019s demands.<\/p>\n
And because our lives are like a pile of merda with flies buzzing around and feeding off the juices.<\/p>\n
We have now changed the seat 28 times and it is Round Seven. Rossi was a pain in the arse, but the biggest problem there was finding space on the bike for him put his stupid dog stickers.<\/p>\n
This seat business for George is some next level shit. I\u2019m at the stage where I\u2019m going to duct tape a sponge to the frame, smash my knee to pieces with a hammer and go and live on Ibiza while I recover.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s bad enough he has been asking us to show him where the octopus lives for the last three rounds.<\/p>\n
Why did you tell him we\u2019d fitted an octopus, Gigi?<\/p>\n
You remember how he drove us insane at Qatar demanding to see all the \u2018telemetry\u2019 you told him we had \u2018installed\u2019 laid out on a cloth so he could check it for \u2018butter-integrity\u2019 with my verniers, and how Massimo managed to scrounge some broken fairing mounts from Crutchlow\u2019s rubbish bin? Saved us all a lot of grief that did.<\/p>\n
But where the fuck am I supposed to get an octopus from?<\/p>\n
And no, don\u2019t tell me to go see one of the Japanese. Those bastardos are like angry bonsai-sized ninjas each time they see someone in Ducati red.<\/p>\n
Then there was last night\u2019s performance after he came second in FP2. Someone \u2013 and may God rot his testicoli with rat-plague \u2013 gave him Mat Oxley\u2019s recent article about our anti-jerk system to read. The one where Mat says the problem is with our Desmodromic valve arrangement.<\/p>\n
So George turns up after FP2 in his Spartan outfit and we all do the \u201cHail Spartan!\u201d fist salute he demands, and then he tells us to take out the Desmodromic valves and replace them with Mambadromic valves.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt is how I will win, putas!\u201d he screamed and pointed his spear at Tommaso\u2019s left eye. \u201cNo more sabotage. No more desmodromic valves! No more Desmo Dovi! He will now be Mamba Dovi! I have already told him.\u201d<\/p>\n
Then he says the anti-jerk system is like a donkey with cancer in its tongue, and he wants his anti-jerk system to be like a hammer with butter in its heart.<\/p>\n
Gigi, I do not even know what that means.<\/p>\n
And there is no way we are carrying George in a sedan-chair to the grid on Sunday. He says he\u2019s hired Moors to beat us with whips so it looks authentic for his fans.<\/p>\n
Gigi, I love and respect you, as do all the men working in my team. We do long hours, we tolerate tantrums, we offer tissues for tears, and we dodge thrown helmets like gazelles. We have put up with Stoner\u2019s lack of Italian, Rossi\u2019s hatred of our frame, and Dovi\u2019s general sad-eyed inferiority complex, but we are reaching the ends of human tolerance with George.<\/p>\n
Please talk to him. Tell him we\u2019re all on the same team. Tell him to stop threatening to send us to Persia to fight the hordes of Xerxes, and explain to him we aren\u2019t there to peel his grapes and slice his prosciutto.<\/p>\n
We are the mechanics. We do mechanical stuff. We do not do octopus, Mambadromic valves, and sedan-chairs.<\/p>\n
Oh, and you need to buy some more seats. George doesn\u2019t like the current unit and said: \u201cThis one is not right. It makes me look like a Madrid puta selling her culo\u201d.<\/p>\n
So we need at least 34 new seats that don\u2019t do that. And another fucken octopus.<\/p>\n
Fuck our shitty lives, Gigi.<\/p>\n
Marco, Tommaso, Ivan, Massimo, Lorenzo, Juan Llansa, and Giacomo.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Dear Gigi, I write this letter on behalf of the Ducati Corse mechanics in the hope we can find a better way to interpret George\u2019s demands. And because our lives are like a pile of merda with flies buzzing around and feeding off the juices. We have now changed the seat 28 times and it [&hellip<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":420872,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[252],"tags":[253],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/420866"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=420866"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/420866\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":420893,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/420866\/revisions\/420893"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/420872"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=420866"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=420866"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=420866"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}