{"id":337006,"date":"2017-04-13T16:23:50","date_gmt":"2017-04-13T06:23:50","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/bikeme.tv\/?p=337006"},"modified":"2017-04-13T16:23:50","modified_gmt":"2017-04-13T06:23:50","slug":"represent-butter-producers-hammer-manufacturers-europe","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/represent-butter-producers-hammer-manufacturers-europe\/","title":{"rendered":"“We represent the butter producers and hammer manufacturers of Europe”"},"content":{"rendered":"

Dear Mr George,<\/p>\n

We advise you that we represent the butter producers and hammer manufacturers of Europe, who are considering a class action against you.<\/p>\n

We understand in certain circles you refer to yourself as \u201cMartillo y Manteqilla\u201d or \u201cHammer and Butter\u201d in English.\u00a0From what we can see in this image that has been sent to us, you appear to be neither of those things. Thus it is a clear case of misrepresentation.<\/p>\n

\"\"

Exhibit A: We can see no butter and not the slightest trace of any hammers.<\/p><\/div>\n

Our clients require you to immediately stop calling yourself \u201cMartillo y Manteqilla\u201d , because it is, as one of our clients put it, \u201cUtter fucken bullshit\u201d and might well affect the sales of their products in the near future.\u00a0Another client advised us that: \u201cHe sure ain\u2019t like no butter I ever squeezed out of no cow\u201d. And one hammer producer has declared that: \u201cI\u2019ve got his hammer right here. Next to his mum.\u201d<\/p>\n

We would also advise you that while we know what Ducati is paying you, we also know it\u2019s not enough to cover our legal fees, let alone punitive damages and any costs that may be awarded should we go to trial.<\/p>\n

But it\u2019s not all bad news, even though it might look like that from where you\u2019re eating Argentinian gravel, which is entirely a matter for you.\u00a0We have prepared a few alternative things you can call yourself, thus preserving our clients\u2019 good names.<\/p>\n

Might we suggest:<\/p>\n

Gritando y Llorando (Screaming and Crying)\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Estrellarse y Arder (Crashing and Burning)\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Berrinches y L\u00e1grimas (Tantrums and Tears)\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

No Hay Campeonatos Aqu\u00ed (No Championships Here)\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

We remain respectfully yours,<\/p>\n

Campbellfield Bruikhaus Adelshaw Partners,<\/em><\/p>\n

Bishops Square, London, UK<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Dear Mr George, We advise you that we represent the butter producers and hammer manufacturers of Europe, who are considering a class action against you. We understand in certain circles you refer to yourself as \u201cMartillo y Manteqilla\u201d or \u201cHammer and Butter\u201d in English.\u00a0From what we can see in this image that has been sent [&hellip<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":337072,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[252],"tags":[253,61,100],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/337006"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=337006"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/337006\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":337088,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/337006\/revisions\/337088"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/337072"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=337006"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=337006"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=337006"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}