\u201cHow\u2019d you like to do up a B-King as a project bike?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWho the fuck is this?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s Eoin from Suzuki.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cEoin, you\u2019ve called Boris,\u201d I said. \u201cHang on, I\u2019ll put you through to Matho\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t want to talk to Matho, I want to talk to you.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAbout doing up a B-King?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYep.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSeriously?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cVery seriously.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cEoin, is that really you?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes, mate, it\u2019s really me.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd you want me to pimp a B-King?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBasically, yes.\u201d<\/p>\n
Instantly, lurid scenes of customising apotheosis flickered into my head\u2026<\/p>\n
My mates and I, in my fully appointed workshop, surrounded by gleaming racks of burnished tools\u2026exotic motorcycle elements and hastily ripped-open courier bags in evidence everywhere\u2026a hulking B-King centre-stage, like a chrysalis awaiting our divinely guided ministrations\u2026every bubble-wrapped bit of bling a perfect fit\u2026every thread truly tightened, every nut skilfully unstripped \u2026every swear word cheerily unsaid\u2026<\/p>\n
Sadly, the reality is far different.<\/p>\n
My mechanical adventurisms normally consist of me lurching clumsily around my dingy little garage, looking for tools I lost centuries ago, so I can attempt to do shit I don\u2019t understand and am not qualified to do, to a bike I don\u2019t own, with parts I don\u2019t have and that won\u2019t fit even when I do get them. Add beer, bongs, some blues on the stereo and a mate who\u2019s on his way with a multimeter and a bottle of Turkey\u2026and, well\u2026stuff just seems to end up being hacksawed, drilled, cross-threaded, stripped, painted matte black and ridden around the block until the paint\u2019s properly cured and my eyes stop watering, then acclaimed as \u201cGreat!\u201d.<\/p>\n
Clearly, there were things Eoin would need to consider down the track a bit. But at this early stage, there were things I needed to consider.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou got some kind of owner\u2019s manual I could use when it\u2019s time to do up the engine?\u201d I asked Eoin.<\/p>\n
Eoin was ominously silent for almost 10 seconds.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou still there?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes, yes, I\u2019m still here\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI need some kind of reference book for the motor. I\u2019m really shit at mechanical things and a book with simple diagrams in it would be a great help when I\u2019m welding in the high-lift cams.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes, I imagine it would be. But it might be better if you left that stuff to Phil.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cPhil? I don\u2019t have any mates called Phil.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cPhil Tainton.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cChrist, you are serious.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI told you I was.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDoes Phil know about this?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYep.\u201d<\/p>\n
A week later the B-King was sitting in my garage and I was on the phone to Phil Tainton.<\/p>\n
\u201cPhil, what should I do? I am confused. Help me. Its arse-pipes are an affront to the Baby Jesus. It already goes very fast. Is it all that clever to make it go even faster? How much faster can you make it go? Its arse-pipes really are an abomination.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cGo to a racetrack,\u201d Phil said. \u201cDo a few laps and tell me what you reckon. Then I\u2019ll have a look at it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThe pipes, Phil. They make children cry.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes, I know. I\u2019ll sort that.\u201d<\/p>\n
That settled, I went to a Circuit Breakers Ride Day with Ian Buckley and we did a few laps.<\/p>\n
Interestingly, we discovered the B-King was perfectly happy to do the whole of Eastern Creek in one gear. Any gear, actually. That perception-altering motor never ceases to amaze me. It is beyond strong.<\/p>\n
After about five laps each, Ian and I agreed the B-King tended to push rather wide when you got on the power out of corners. This was due to the amount of power available to be getting on to. And it wasn\u2019t a light bike, either \u2013 but provided you were ready for it to drift happily towards the vegetables, you were fine.<\/p>\n
Shamefully, I didn\u2019t get it out of fourth down the straight. With the speedo reading a glacial 242km\/h when it was time for me to consider the entry point of Turn One, I realised I needed to find a higher power, ie. Shawn Giles.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou need to ride this around the track and tell me what you reckon,\u201d I said when I found him in the pit area.<\/p>\n
He returned after three laps of chasing Glen Allerton around.<\/p>\n
\u201cThe tyres are shit. If you got better tyres and did some work on the suspension, it\u2019d be pretty good. But it just spins coming out of corners.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat gear were you in and how fast were you going there?\u201d I said, pointing to where I begin preparations for Turn One.<\/p>\n
\u201cFifth and 280.\u201d<\/p>\n
Shaking my head at the cosmic injustice of it all, I went to seek a second opinion from Glen Allerton. He respectfully declined, citing a need to feed himself from the proceeds of his championship cheque, which wouldn\u2019t arrive if he was seen to be out scraping the pegs on a NotaHonda.<\/p>\n
I went home, called Phil Tainton and told him what Shawn had said, and that if I could ride like that, I would agree with him.<\/p>\n
\u201cRight, send it back and I\u2019ll make a start on it over Christmas. Meanwhile, you chase up some tyres and whatever else you might want to put on it,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n
I\u2019ll let you all know how it turns out\u2026<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
\u201cHow\u2019d you like to do up a B-King as a project bike?\u201d \u201cWho the fuck is this?\u201d \u201cIt\u2019s Eoin from Suzuki.\u201d \u201cEoin, you\u2019ve called Boris,\u201d I said. \u201cHang on, I\u2019ll put you through to Matho\u2026\u201d \u201cI don\u2019t want to talk to Matho, I want to talk to you.\u201d \u201cAbout doing up a B-King?\u201d \u201cYep.\u201d \u201cSeriously?\u201d [&hellip<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":2793,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[17],"tags":[220],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2792"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2792"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2792\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3209,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2792\/revisions\/3209"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/2793"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2792"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2792"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2792"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}