\nCut it loose or let it drag \u2019em down<\/strong><\/em>
\nWhere no one asks any questions<\/strong><\/em>
\nOr looks too long in your face<\/strong><\/em>
\nIn the darkness on the edge of town<\/strong><\/em>
\nIn the darkness on the edge of town<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n
Bruce Springsteen<\/strong><\/p>\n “Bring me some beer. I’m thirsty.”<\/strong><\/p><\/div>\n <\/p>\n My life, as you can gather, is one new bike after another. And as wondrous as that is (and it really is), it is, nonetheless, one new stock<\/em> bike after another.<\/p>\n I don\u2019t get to goosebump myself over the sound of a full racing system, marvel at the improvement high-end suspension makes, or put stickers of terrible red-faced demons and swear words on the tank.<\/p>\n I like it so much better in black.<\/strong><\/p><\/div>\n I have to ride them and review them as they are given to me. I maybe screw with the pre-load a bit if I\u2019m having a fat day, but I usually just put petrol in in and try to return it in the same state it was given to me, minus some tyre wear.<\/p>\n So yes, I am blessed.<\/p>\n That pipe is just gorgeous,<\/strong><\/p><\/div>\n But once in a while, I am blessed in another way.<\/p>\n Now and again, in the Darkness at the edge of town, the sacred forges and glistening operating theatres where Mr Phil Tainton, the First of His Name, wields his magic, fire up.<\/p>\n The drums pound, the naked slave-girls dance, and the night echoes with portent and power.<\/p>\n Well, that\u2019s how I see it, and so that\u2019s how it is.<\/p>\n Is that not an lovely pale blue?<\/strong><\/p><\/div>\n Twice in my life, Phil Tainton has gifted me, and the world, with motorcycles that have redefined my views on what bangs and what really<\/em> bangs.<\/p>\n The first creation was the B-Czar \u2013 a bored-out Suzuki B-King with hand-made cams that belted 212 horses off the back wheel, and even made three-time Aussie Superbike champion, Shawn Giles, grin and shake his head in what passes for awe in racers of his calibre.<\/p>\n Me? I just whimpered and screamed a lot. But I ended up buying the bike because it made me crazy in all the right ways. It was that<\/em> good.<\/p>\n Darkly done Darkness, with lipstick.<\/strong><\/p><\/div>\n A few years later, Mr Tainton turned his talents to the well-mannered, eminently capable, but rather prosaic GSX-S1000. He burned some evil incense on that build. The slave-girls were really kicking their heels up around the fire that night.<\/p>\n What came out of his temple was a GSX-S1200. It had 204 horses caning the rear tyre, all the \u00d6hlins needed to make those horses behave, and a heap of special witchcraft tuning, which is one of Mr Tainton\u2019s specialities.<\/p>\n That little silver tube delivers such happiness.<\/strong><\/p><\/div>\n You can read about all of that HERE<\/a>. Or my review of the stock Katana HERE<\/a>.<\/p>\n What both these builds had in common was the sheer excellence and dedication Mr Tainton puts into his work. The bikes that come out of his temple are orders of magnitude better than stock bikes.<\/p>\n And that\u2019s the trick. That\u2019s the secret.<\/p>\n Brembos with make-up on them. The brakes are stock. They’ll do you. Relax.<\/strong><\/p><\/div>\n Anyone can bolt exhausts and shocks to a bike, and then hammer away at the internals of an engine, maybe using a post-hole auger to bore it out, and lotsa silastic so it doesn\u2019t leak when he puts it back together. But very, very few temples of speed do it as well, with such finesse and such attention to detail, as Mr Tainton\u2019s. The bike that comes out is, in every conceivable and measurable way, better than stock.<\/p>\n Damp and foggy. Like my underpants.<\/strong><\/p><\/div>\n The other thing these two builds had in common was they were not cheap. The GSX-S1200 mods came in at about $15,500 without counting the bling, while the B-Czar was well north of $25K without even counting the labour.<\/p>\n \u201cI have great fun doing these big-bore builds, but they are so expensive very few people can afford them,\u201d Phil told me when I called him. \u201cBut we do them because we can.\u201d<\/p>\n I said \u201cAmen\u201d when he uttered that truth.<\/p>\n Look closely and you’ll see my saliva bubbling from the hole. And yeah, I would get rid of this bendy thing and fit a tail-tidy.<\/strong><\/p><\/div>\n Anyway, some time back, there was talk Mr Tainton had got his hands on a new Katana. And when the time was right, the temple doors would open, and the sweaty slave-girls would wheel it out into the sun, and we would all rejoice.<\/p>\n And so it came to pass. The Phil Tainton Racing Katana, in Serial Killer Black with red highlights, came into this world and into my possession.<\/p>\n \u201cHot damn!\u201d I yelped. \u201cI hope it\u2019s got 300 horsepowers and 1000 torques! I bet he\u2019s bored it out to 1500cc, and the second I crack that throttle it\u2019s gonna melt time and send the Plague-ridden Earth into orbit around Saturn! It\u2019s gonna be huge! My wife will mourn me!\u201d<\/p>\n “Must hurry…tyre deflating…must hurry… tyre deflating…”<\/strong><\/p><\/div>\n I was seconds away from spraying my face with silver paint and screaming \u201cI live! I die! I live again!\u201d in the finest Fury Road tradition.<\/p>\n I collected the bike and pressed the starter button.<\/p>\n Yep, there was that familiar PTR \u201cGrr-grr-grr-grr\u201d lumpy idle on start-up. I waited until it settled into a smooth growl because one does not demand things of such engines until their blood is hot and rich with hate, and ready.<\/p>\n I set off.<\/p>\n Toss those mirrors away and it’s damn fine.<\/strong><\/p><\/div>\n The throttle response was amazing. You just need to flex your fist rather than perform an active twisting motion. No light-switch, but smooth and instant on. No hesitation. No hunting at low revs. The sound through the full Yoshi system was feral. I turned my cop radar up to 10 and prepared a list of semi-believable lies if I was stopped. Did that stop me revving the buggery out of it? Heh. You don\u2019t know me, do you?<\/p>\n Through the traffic on my way to Mother Putty the PTR Katana was menace incarnate. People rolled up their windows as I lane-split, the shriek-wail of the exhaust rendering their stereos redundant.<\/p>\n Why is it not back-firing on over-run? I wondered.<\/p>\n Here be demons.<\/strong><\/p><\/div>\n Had Mr Tainton tuned that crap out of it? Was that even possible?<\/p>\n I hit the Mother mid-afternoon like the vengeance of Satan.<\/p>\n The powershifter, the scream of the exhaust, the muscle-flex response of the throttle, all melded into a typical and wonderful PTR experience.<\/p>\n The bumps were absorbed rather than ridden through, and I was wondering just how much money had been spent on the shocks. Mr Tainton is as good at suspension as he is with engines, and he understands the crucial marriage between the two. There\u2019s no point in having world power, if your suspenders turn the bike into an over-powered pogo stick and you into meat-jam.<\/p>\n Can you see the edge of town?<\/strong><\/p><\/div>\n This thing worked. I pushed harder. It worked better. The exhaust howled, I aimed for apexes, found the right gear, more howling, more apexes, the odd straight, more and louder howling, faster apexes, howling, apexes, howling, apexes\u2026and then it was done and I was idling into Milbrodale and then Bulga for a nerve-calming schooner.<\/p>\n What had he done to it?<\/p>\n Like, it went and all; it was responsive as high-end processor, but the suspension was the colour of a pretty girl\u2019s underpants, and not the bold yellow of PTR\u2019s traditional \u00d6hlins\u2026<\/p>\n I was colour-co-ordinated to perfection on the day.<\/strong><\/p><\/div>\n This could not be a big-bore. It lacked that mid- and high-range bowel-emptying, no-breathing madness only something with 200-plus horses offers. \u201cWhat have you done?\u201d I asked. \u201cThat\u2019s not a stroker. It goes like a comet, but it\u2019s no big-bore, is it?\u201d \u201cI guess it\u2019s like a povo pack,\u201d he quipped.<\/p>\n \u201cPovo pack? Bullshit. You did not cobble that Katana out of old pots, melted alloy fence off-cuts, and some chip packets. There\u2019s nothing impoverished or poor about it. It is astonishing, and I don\u2019t know why.\u201d<\/p>\n So Phil told me, and then he sent me a list, and while it still doesn\u2019t compute, the numbers just don\u2019t lie.<\/p>\n You stick that lens out a little more…go on…<\/strong><\/p><\/div>\n Let me just replicate that list for you:<\/p>\n <\/em><\/p>\n Fully remap and Dyno Tune of the ECU using Woolich Racing software \u2013 $955.00<\/p>\n Race Tools software including Quick Shifter hardware \u2013 \u00a0$665.00<\/p>\n Complete Yoshimura R11 stainless exhaust system with carbon can \u2013 $1730.00<\/p>\n Fully adjustable Nitron NTR3 rear shock \u2013 $1575.00<\/p>\n Nitron 22.0mm TVT front fork cartridges \u2013 $1250.00<\/p>\n Labour charges to remove stock exhaust and fir Yoshi system \u2013 $420.00<\/p>\n Labour charges to modify, dyno and fit Nitron cartridges to Forks \u2013 $440.00 That\u2019s a grand total of $6975.<\/p>\n I called him back.<\/p>\n \u201cYou made a Katana behave and sound and go like that for less than seven grand?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat I was trying to do was make it better while spending as little as I could.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah, but this doesn\u2019t even feel anything like a stock Katana.\u201d<\/p>\n My finest potato-ing.<\/strong><\/p><\/div>\n \u201cI wanted to cure the snatchy throttle, and the hesitancy at cruising speed when you get back on the gas. All that is caused by the pollution restrictions the Japanese are forced to include. I am not bound by those restrictions. So I can make the bike as smooth and responsive as you found it to be.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI am amazed at how good those Nitron shocks are,\u201d I observed.<\/p>\n \u201cThat was a common complain from Katana owners, a wallowing back-end. So I trick-up the Nitron shocks by re-valving them internally and then dyno-ing them. I don\u2019t charge the customer for that.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAnd then you dyno-ed the whole bike?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes, it makes about 10 extra horses and a bit more torque.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s not a lot, but it feels like a massive change.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI pride myself on the tunes. The tunes are crucial. It\u2019s vital to do it properly. And you need to spend the time to get it right. I want throttle smoothness and responsiveness, so then it\u2019s four or five hours on the dyno. Most shops won\u2019t spend that time.\u201d<\/p>\n There is not much more to add to that, is there? Suzuki does offer a range of bling for the Katana.<\/strong><\/p><\/div>\n So if you want your bike to be something far in advance of what it is, and better in every way, then you need to give it to Phil Tainton.<\/p>\n And you can spend big. But you don\u2019t have to spend big \u2013 and this Katana is proof of that.<\/p>\n I let my young mate, Harry, ride it from Grey Gums to Bulga, after telling him should the unthinkable happen, his dad was to put $30,000 in Phil\u2019s account an hour after it happened, and $10,000 into mine for stress-related psychosis.<\/p>\n Love your work, Mr Tainton.<\/strong><\/p><\/div>\n Harry owns a late-model GSX-S. He has a pipe on it. He rides very well and he\u2019s faster than lots of people who think they\u2019re fast. He loves his bike, but he hasn\u2019t got a lot of spare cash because he is young and feckless, and we do have an LNP government which prides itself on an impoverished society. But Harry lusts for the work of Phil. I\u2019m convinced he spends lots of time alone reading about the Phil\u2019s earlier exercises in motorcycling perfection, and then cries because he only has two kidneys to sell to be able to afford anything like that.<\/p>\n When I told him how much it would cost him to make his GSX-S into what the Katana was, he began to fizz like a mistreated can of Coke. Seven grand is not chump-change, but it\u2019s also not 25 grand, is it? It\u2019s doable with only a little suffering.<\/p>\n Is it worth doing?<\/p>\n Misty mountain hop.<\/strong><\/p><\/div>\n Of course it is. That is a no-brainer. Well, for me it is. Improve the suspension, remove the compromises built into a great engine, and then make it sound like demonic possession?<\/p>\n Yes, yes, every time, yes. For this is the Darkness at the edge of town.<\/p>\n Thank you, Mr Tainton. Your work, as always, speaks for itself.<\/p>\n You can find Phil Tainton Racing at 1\/45 Gilbert Park Drive, Knoxfield, Victoria. You\u2019ll see the slave-girls dancing in the driveway. <\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n You can call him on 03 9764 2621, and know he doesn\u2019t just do Suzukis, OK?<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" IMAGERY BY CARL HENSEL & NICK ‘WHAT’S THAT HISSING NOISE?’ EDARDS – which is when we cut the photoshoot short so I could get home before all the air left my tyre, and then I went to see Carl Hensel a few days later because Carl likes Katanas and he was good enough to shoot [&hellip<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":1495104,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[106,210,58,173],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1495102"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1495102"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1495102\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1495125,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1495102\/revisions\/1495125"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1495104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1495102"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1495102"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1495102"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}![\"\"](\"http:\/\/bikeme.tv\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/09\/V0A5612.jpg\")
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\nI got home and called Phil.<\/p>\n
\nPhil laughed, and swear I could hear the tinkle of slave-girl bells.<\/p>\n![\"\"](\"http:\/\/bikeme.tv\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/09\/DSC_3726.jpg\")
\nIf you wanted to fit them yourself, then PTR will do the mods and mail them to you for $140.<\/p>\n![\"\"](\"http:\/\/bikeme.tv\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/09\/V0A5561.jpg\")
\nEvery bike you buy is a compromise between legislation and desire.<\/p>\n![\"\"](\"http:\/\/bikeme.tv\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/09\/DSC_3793.jpg\")
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