Did anyone else giggle like a little girl when they heard Victoria\u2019s chief commissioner of police, Graham \u2018Where\u2019s My Concentration?\u2019 Ashton was nailed for 108km\/h in a 100 zone?<\/p>\n
I did. In fact, I sounded more like the entire audience at a Frankie Boyle gig. If I was incontinent, my dad-nappies would have hit the ground with a wet splash, such was my joy.<\/p>\n
My schadenfruede (that marvellous German word for the feeling you get when you experience joy at someone else\u2019s misfortune) spikes every time I hear of such a thing. Every time a police officer gets caught betraying the public trust by dealing drugs, raping women, molesting female colleagues, taking bribes, or breaking the road laws, I rejoice.<\/p>\n
I delight at the predictable squirming that immediately follows such crimes against the public trust, as the police PR machine goes into full \u2018Shit, Bro!\u2019 mode.<\/p>\n
In Gazza Ashton\u2019s case, as in every case (and I remind you that his predecessor, Kenny \u2018Secret Speed\u2019 Lay was also caught hauling arse through Tooborac in Victoria at a mass-murdering speed of 80km\/h in a 70 zone and kept it a secret while his PR twonks scrambled to find the right response) the scripting was predictable.<\/p>\n
Ashton fronted the media, ominously resplendent in his new-look black-on-black-on-black \u2018No, it\u2019s not a Schutzstaffel uniform\u2019, and his dewlap quivering, possibly in indignation.<\/p>\n
\u201cI am deeply committed to road safety,\u201d Gazza reminded us first of all in case we\u2019d forgotten. \u201cAnd am embarrassed and disappointed to find I have gone above the speed limit.\u201d<\/p>\n
Really? That\u2019s nice.<\/p>\n
Now, I do not question Gazza\u2019s commitment, embarrassment or disappointment. I do find it a little disingenuous that he kinda just \u2018found\u2019 he had gone above the limit, though. Am I to assume it was the same kind of surprise \u2018find\u2019 when you wake up to \u2018find\u2019 a dead hooker lying all blue and cold beside you in a motel room? How did that get there, you ask? And how did I manage to stray over the speed limit?<\/p>\n
Sure, it\u2019s only eight little kays, but Gazza\u2026maaaaate\u2026every kay over is a killer, right? A dozen children and some little girl\u2019s beloved pet billy goat might have gone to Jesus as a result of your heinous velocity.<\/p>\n
Happily, Gazza has an explanation for this.<\/p>\n
\u201cThis was a result of a lapse in concentration,\u201d he declared, and thankfully added that this was not an excuse. \u201cThis does not excuse my actions.\u201d<\/p>\n
No, Gaz. No, it does not. Not at all. After all, it doesn\u2019t excuse any of us, does it?<\/p>\n
And despite your threatening black uniform, it doesn\u2019t excuse you, as you have so generously admitted.<\/p>\n
But here\u2019s my issue, Gazza. It\u2019s only a little one, but I\u2019m sure you\u2019ll agree it\u2019s important.<\/p>\n
As a motorcyclist, I certainly have a far greater understanding and appreciation of concentration that you do. After all, I\u2019m not chugging along in the latest-model publicly-funded car with my chubby cheeks being bathed in climate-control. I\u2019m sitting astride and in charge of a divinely designed two-wheeled missile, which will kill me faster than\u2026well, let\u2019s just say it would kill me faster than a police officer might shoot a man wielding a knife (which I\u2019m sure you\u2019d know is pretty damn quick) if my concentration would lapse. Certainly, my lapse would have no effect on the public\u2019s trust, since the public, largely thanks to your superb PR machine, mostly views me as a drug-enriched scofflaw with possible terrorist overtones. I don\u2019t much care about that.<\/p>\n
I care about dying. So I concentrate all the time. ALL the time, Gazza. Because there\u2019s a lot at stake for me.<\/p>\n
I\u2019d like to think you get it, because you did state that: \u201cMaintaining focus on the roads at all times is critical; a moment\u2019s distraction on the road can lead to tragedy. My members see the results of these tragedies every day.\u201d<\/p>\n
Gazza, would these be the same members (it\u2019s a club now, is it?), of whom 600 were caught breaking the road rules in 2011? What\u2019s that? Yeah, you\u2019re right. Those Queensland cops cannot be counted as \u2018your\u2019 members.<\/p>\n
Your members would be the 179 VicPol officers that were caught driving while hammered on piss between July 2000 and May 2009. Only the Road Gods know how many of your \u2018members\u2019\u00a0 have been done for betraying the public\u2019s rather misplaced trust since then.<\/p>\n
Anyway, how\u2019d your members go seeing the results of those tragedies? Or do they only count as tragedies when your concentration lapses and people die as a result? Did it count as a tragedy when your members were using the public as human shields to catch bad guys on the Tullamarine Freeway? Or are we still waiting for one of your wonderful \u2018internal inquiries\u2019 to pronounce you all tragedy-free and clean as driven snow in that case?<\/p>\n
Anyway, Gazza, it\u2019s been beaut chatting with you. And I can\u2019t tell you how happy I am that you\u2019ve chucked $190 into the can for Road Trauma support on top of your fine.<\/p>\n
You champion, you.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Did anyone else giggle like a little girl when they heard Victoria\u2019s chief commissioner of police, Graham \u2018Where\u2019s My Concentration?\u2019 Ashton was nailed for 108km\/h in a 100 zone? I did. In fact, I sounded more like the entire audience at a Frankie Boyle gig. If I was incontinent, my dad-nappies would have hit the [&hellip<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":14608,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[17],"tags":[220,67,61,24],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14607"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=14607"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14607\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":14614,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14607\/revisions\/14614"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/14608"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=14607"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=14607"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=14607"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}