![\"\"](\"http:\/\/bikeme.tv\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/04\/IMG_8734.jpg\")
How Nick got my face lit like that is a mystery. I’m glad I didn’t eat his brains.<\/strong><\/p><\/div>\n In which our hero demonstrates the insurmountable spirit extant in his soul, offers life-advice even where none is asked for, and shows a level of care and concern for younger riders which would be shameful in a lesser man.<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cI walked forty-seven miles of barbed wire, I got a cobra snake for a necktie<\/strong> <\/p>\n Harry looked horrified.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ve never towed a bike before,\u201d he said, his eyes wide.<\/p>\n \u201cAnd you won\u2019t be towing one today,\u201d I told him. \u201cNick will tow me behind his car.\u201d<\/p>\n Harry could learn all about the joys of towing a bike with another bike another time. It would be character-building for him.<\/p>\n I rode the Boulevard to Jerry\u2019s and asked if he had a tow-rope. He didn\u2019t, but he made some calls and an old mate of mine 10 kays away had one.<\/p>\n I called Kristos at Trooper Lu\u2019s. I tried calling Justin, but he was racing dirt buggies at Colo and was a million miles away, and also out of phone contact.<\/p>\n \u201cKristos,\u201d I said. \u201cI have fried the clutch on the Niken.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAwesome!\u201d he said cheerily.<\/p>\n This is why I love Kristos. He gets it.<\/p>\n \u201cYou need to come and get it.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhere are you?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cJerry\u2019s at Kulnura.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat is that?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s a place where I\u2019m hoping the Niken will be after I\u2019ve towed it here behind a car.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAwesome! But I can\u2019t be there before 630.\u201d<\/p>\n It was midday.<\/p>\n I rode off down the road to get the tow-rope.<\/p>\n As I rode past the turn-off to the dam where Nick and Harry were waiting for me, two Highway Patrol cars were turning onto that road with intent. Clearly, someone had called the cops after listening to me hammer that screaming Niken up and down that road for the last hour.<\/p>\n \u201cCool,\u201d I said to myself. \u201cThe cops will bathe them in capsicum spray, electricity, and chains by the time I get there. The Niken will be on its way to the crusher, and some years from now, Justin and I will have a beer and laugh about it all.\u201d<\/p>\n I got the rope and rode back, fully expecting to see something like Waco where I\u2019d left Nick and Harry.<\/p>\n \u201cWhere are the cops?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n I got this.<\/strong><\/p><\/div>\n Nick shrugged. \u201cThey drove past. You\u2019d think they would have stopped to see if we were alright. Worthless uncaring swine.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou know the minute we start towing this thing, they will appear and beat us to death.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIs it illegal to tow a bike?\u201d Harry asked.<\/p>\n \u201cLife Lesson Number 2256, boy,\u201d I said evenly. \u201cIf the police decide a thing is illegal, then it is illegal.\u201d<\/p>\n We all pondered that for a minute.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m going to ride to the look-out and see what they\u2019re doing,\u201d I finally said.<\/p>\n I rode down and sure enough, the two Highway Patrol cars were parked next to a picnic table and the male and female police officers were enjoying a coffee and chat \u2013 celebrating what was a beautiful autumn day, before going back to making everyone\u2019s life a misery while chanting \u201cStopitorcopitstopitorcopit\u201d in the dank, electronic fug of their cars.<\/p>\n I rode back to Nick and Harry.<\/p>\n \u201cI suggest we wait a bit. They will not be there forever.\u201d<\/p>\n So we waited and in the fullness of time the two cop cars went past us and back onto the Wollombi Road to raise money for the State.<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s just great,\u201d Nick said. \u201cWould it have killed them to stop and see if we needed any help?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah,\u201d I said, nodding at Harry. \u201cFor all they knew two old pedos had kidnapped this kid and were gonna make hot bush-love to him under that tree.\u201d<\/p>\n Harry looked mildly alarmed.<\/p>\n \u201cRelax,\u201d I said. \u201cIt\u2019s not like you would even be awake, hypothetically.\u201d<\/p>\n I then asked Harry to ride the Boulevard back to Jerry\u2019s while Nick and I made the towing arrangements.<\/p>\n \u201cYou done this before?\u201d I asked Nick.<\/p>\n \u201cSort of.\u201d<\/p>\n Good enough, I thought.<\/p>\n That’s Harry’s bike on the right. The one with no rear footpegs.<\/strong><\/p><\/div>\n I tied the rope to his tow-bar, looped it under the handy crash bar on the Niken and then fed it up around the left-hand grip, where I made one loop. I did not tie it off because this is not my first rodeo.<\/p>\n The idea is to hold the once-looped end of the rope in your hand as you also hold the left-hand grip. If the towing goes to shit, you let go of the rope, which will then (theoretically) unravel and break the umbilical connection with the vehicle towing you. This is much better than having the towed bike being dragged on its side because it\u2019s tied firmly to the tow-rope and the tow has gone badly.<\/p>\n And tows go badly a lot. Especially 20-odd-km-long ones.<\/p>\n But Nick and I are old warhorses.<\/p>\n He managed to keep it under 80km\/h and hour and I managed to keep the strain on the rope by skilful use of the brakes and loud swearing, and we got to Jerry\u2019s without mishap.<\/p>\n So now what?<\/p>\n Jerry\u2019s closes at four. Kristos would be there at 630. The Boulevard has no rear seat.<\/p>\n \u201cFeel like driving to Singelton?\u201d I asked Nick.<\/p>\n \u201cNot remotely,\u201d he said. \u201cBut I will.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cGreat. We\u2019ll go and get Harry\u2019s bike, I can double him back here so the hillbillies won\u2019t strip the Niken, Kristos will bring the Tracer I left in his shop, I can ride that home, and Harry can head back to Sydney.\u201d<\/p>\n It sounded workable.<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t have any pillion pegs,\u201d Harry said.<\/p>\n \u201cWhy not?\u201d \u201cBecause you\u2019re 23,\u201d I sighed. \u201cPlease don\u2019t speak anymore.\u201d<\/p>\n I considered alternate logistics.<\/p>\n \u201cOK, this is how it will be,\u201d I finally said. \u201cNick will drive you to my place. I will ride the Boulevard. We will stop and take shots of the Bouelvard because we still have a job to do. The I will drive you back here in the ute. We will wait for Kristos because I cannot leave the Niken in a deserted servo when the banjos start playing. Then you will drive the ute back and I will ride the Tracer. Then I will get drunk on my patio and you will listen to my stories instead of going out with your hooligan mates on Saturday night, and go home tomorrow.\u201d<\/p>\n And since this was not a debating topic, everyone was forced to comply.<\/p>\n Three hours later, Harry and I were back at Jerry\u2019s, just as the place was closing up.<\/p>\n One of the Highway Patrol cars from that morning was parked around the side and the cop was sitting at the table with some of the staff.<\/p>\n \u201cBorrie, you\u2019re back,\u201d Jerry grinned.<\/p>\n \u201cI can\u2019t leave that thing here when the place is closed,\u201d I said, making eye-contact with the cop. \u201cIt\u2019s not like you can rely on the police to look after your property when the enforcement of safety is taking place.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI look after my own property,\u201d the cop said.<\/p>\n \u201cI wasn\u2019t speaking to you,\u201d I said and went over to wheel the Niken out so Kristos could see it and not keep on driving to Wollombi.<\/p>\n \u201cI can\u2019t believe you just said that to the cop,\u201d Harry whispered.<\/p>\n I shrugged. Harry\u2019s motorcycle-life journey is still in its infancy and his generation was born and raised in subjugation to the police. Mine wasn\u2019t. You spend enough time in handcuffs and holding cells, and the intimidation-spell police like to cast wears right off.<\/p>\n Jerry\u2019s Caf\u00e9 emptied of all but three blokes and us. It was five pm, the glorious day was melting into an equally soft and golden dusk.<\/p>\n So much goodness. The Niken. Not me. Not me at all.<\/strong><\/p><\/div>\n The three blokes wandered over to behold the Turbo Niken. They asked knowledgeable questions about the boost, the negative vacuum generated by the turbo (so its kinda turboing even off boost), the crazy enhanced front-end, and that glory of a top-box \u2013 which you can see in the corner of the mirrors when you\u2019re riding and it makes you think like you\u2019re seeing bats flapping at the edge of your vision. I been there before, so I don\u2019t mind it.<\/p>\n When they left, Harry and I sat in the empty service-station-come-caf\u00e9 in mostly companionable silence.<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t think you could have left it here by itself,\u201d he eventually said.<\/p>\n I shook my head. \u201cI don\u2019t think so, either. Look at it. It\u2019s got thousands of dollars-worth of interesting stuff on it, it\u2019s in my care, and when the wind is right you can hear the strumming of the banjos and the clanking of toolboxes. Trust nothing, Harry. Defend your shit. Prepare for war. Be hard to kill.\u201d<\/p>\n Harry nodded. He\u2019s a good kid like that.<\/p>\n Kristos arrived on time.<\/p>\n \u201cAwesome!\u201d he enthused again when I showed him the lack of clutch.<\/p>\n He and his offsider off-loaded my Tracer, loaded the Turbo Niken onto the trailer, and I poured what I hoped was not two-stroke into the Tracer\u2019s tank.<\/p>\n The bike was nearly empty when I dropped it at Trooper Lu\u2019s the day before. I remembered this at the last minute and tossed a petrol can into the ute knowing there was no petrol to be had between Kulnura and Singleton in the afternoon. It smelled alright as I poured it in, so I tossed Harry the keys to the ute.<\/p>\n \u201cYou go first. I will follow.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou don\u2019t want me to ride?\u201d<\/p>\n I shook my head. If he hit a roo because I had done a burnout forcing us to ride through Shit-Rat Central, I would have trouble sleeping at night. My fault we were here. So I would take the risk.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat do I do if I see a kangaroo?\u201d<\/p>\n I blinked at him.<\/p>\n \u201cUm, celebrate the richness of our native wildlife? What do you mean?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDo I just run it over?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cCan you actually drive?\u201d I asked. It had not even occurred to me that he might not be able to.<\/p>\n He nodded. \u201cYeah, but it\u2019s been a few years.\u201d<\/p>\n I absorbed that.<\/p>\n \u201cOK, here\u2019s how it works. Take it easy. If something jumps out, do not swerve like a mad bitch, just brake and try and avoid it without spearing off the road\u2026hell, never mind. Just drive straight over the top of the thing and hope it doesn\u2019t go through the windscreen and kill you in its death-throes.\u201d<\/p>\n Two hours later we were eating our dinner at the Criterion Hotel in Singleton and congratulating ourselves on a death-and-arrest-free day.<\/p>\n I saw lots of kangaroos. I see them all the time after the one I nailed north of Port Augusta a few years back. I see them jumping out of trees, lurking behind bushes, rising out of the road\u2026<\/p>\n It\u2019s like PTSD, but more marsupially.<\/p>\n Still, big success. I did not hit one. Not even an imaginary one.<\/p>\n And all of this for a dozen images.<\/p>\n And of course, the Niken would get a heavier clutch. Justin had already called me with a solution. He\u2019s a crazy perfectionist like that and it killed him a little to let me out on a bike that overwhelmed the standard clutch.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ve already ordered an earlier-model MT-09 clutch with heaver springs and Kevlar plates,\u201d he said to me when we spoke that evening.<\/p>\n \u201cGreat,\u201d I said. \u201cBecause we have a video to shoot, you know.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI can\u2019t wait.\u201d GREAT IMAGES BY NICK EDARDS \/ HALF LIGHT PHOTOGRAPHIC CRAP IMAGES BY ME In which our hero demonstrates the insurmountable spirit extant in his soul, offers life-advice even where none is asked for, and shows a level of care and concern for younger riders which would be shameful in a lesser man. \u201cI walked [&hellip<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":1444390,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[352,103],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1444464"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1444464"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1444464\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1444527,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1444464\/revisions\/1444527"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1444390"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1444464"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1444464"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1444464"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\nA brand new house on the road side, and it\u2019s a-made out of rattlesnake hide<\/strong>
\nGot a band new chimney put on top, and it\u2019s a-made out of human skulls<\/strong>
\nCome on take a little walk with me baby, and tell me who do you love?<\/strong>
\nWho do you love?\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n![\"\"](\"http:\/\/bikeme.tv\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/04\/IMG_8726.jpg\")
![\"\"](\"http:\/\/bikeme.tv\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/04\/56323773_10213809209126514_3949674332245983232_n.jpg\")
\n\u201cI took them off because\u2026um, because\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n![\"\"](\"http:\/\/bikeme.tv\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/04\/i-Tbhw6vS-X3.jpg\")
\nThey all say that.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"