{"id":1444302,"date":"2019-04-09T14:26:41","date_gmt":"2019-04-09T04:26:41","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/bikeme.tv\/?p=1444302"},"modified":"2019-04-09T14:43:52","modified_gmt":"2019-04-09T04:43:52","slug":"tales-of-the-niken-episode-10-supplemental-turbo-version-part-one","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/tales-of-the-niken-episode-10-supplemental-turbo-version-part-one\/","title":{"rendered":"TALES OF THE NIKEN \u2013 EPISODE 10 (SUPPLEMENTAL TURBO VERSION PART ONE)"},"content":{"rendered":"

GREAT IMAGES BY NICK EDARDS \/ HALF LIGHT PHOTOGRAHIC<\/strong><\/p>\n

CRAP IMAGES BY ME<\/strong><\/p>\n

In which our hero demonstrates the efficacy of shit-magnetism, forced induction, old friendships, and how important the little things are \u2013 like seats and footpegs and clutches \u2013 especially when you don\u2019t have them.<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cOoh, see the fire is sweepin\u2019<\/strong>
\nOur very street today<\/strong>
\nBurns like a red coal carpet<\/strong>
\nMad bull lost its way<\/strong><\/p>\n

War, children, it\u2019s just a shot away<\/strong>
\nIt\u2019s just a shot away<\/strong>
\nWar, children, it\u2019s just a shot away<\/strong>
\nIt\u2019s just a shot away\u2026\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

Harry and I left Sydney late on Friday afternoon. It was all my fault.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe need to shoot the Trooper Lu Turbo Niken a la<\/em> post-zombie apocalypse,\u201d I’d said to Nick Edards.<\/p>\n

\u201cSo you\u2019re gonna cover yourself in blood and excrement and eat my brains?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ll die hungry, bastard. Be at that place in Rosehill we know where the police never are.\u201d<\/p>\n

Of course, it rained. It\u2019s rained on the last two shoots he and I have done.<\/p>\n

Nick is English. There\u2019s a connection. I\u2019m sure.<\/p>\n

I had picked up the Trooper Lu Turbo Niken from Justin that afternoon and spent an hour idling it through heavy traffic from Liverpool to Hooters in Parramatta, itching like a scabby dog to open that throttle and let it howl.<\/p>\n

I could tell it wanted to. I wanted it to, too.<\/p>\n

I will advise you all of just how much work as gone into this amazing creation when I do the actual review. I\u2019m sure the details will astound you as they have me.<\/p>\n

But for the moment, all you need to know is that the Turbo Niken is either a mild-mannered, easy-riding creature of covert evil, or it is a shrieking, tyre-eating, suck-banger that will have you twitching and whimpering in your sleep after you ride it in anger.<\/p>\n

It just depends what you do with your right-hand.<\/p>\n

So just keep that in the back of your mind as we go, OK?<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"\"

Three of them…just waiting for me to leave.<\/strong><\/p><\/div>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"\"

I felt it only right and proper to wheel out what they would be chasing.<\/strong><\/p><\/div>\n

We do the shoot. It\u2019s suitably wicked. Lots of puddles and old buildings and seemingly abandoned plant. I resolve not to eat Edards\u2019 brains on this occasion.<\/p>\n

Harry and I set off for Singleton via the Putty Road after arranging to meet Nick at Jerry\u2019s Caf\u00e9 at Kulnura the next day and do the riding shots.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s five pm, we have an hour of daylight and two-and-a-half hours of riding. It\u2019s not raining in Sydney, but it\u2019s raining on the Putty and the road is greasy. The panthers, deer, wallabies, wombats, and musk oxen will be dewed with moisture when they run in front of us out of the darkness.<\/p>\n

But Harry is young and brave \u2013 and on a barking MT-09. I\u2019m old and stupid \u2013 and on a turbo-charged game-changer I\u2019ve only ridden through traffic. This is a superb combination to fire up the Putty in the dark.<\/p>\n

\"\"

Come at me, zombies.<\/strong><\/p><\/div>\n

So off we go.<\/p>\n

There\u2019s a lot to recommend the Putty as darkness falls. The lack of police being one of them.<\/p>\n

There is also much not<\/em> to recommend the Putty as darkness falls. But you can work out what all that is.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s pretty much full dark as we belt through Colo Heights. Happily, I manage to tuck behind a bloke in a Hi-Lux who has a small sun bolted to his bull-bar, clearly knows the road, and is happy to run at 120 to 140.<\/p>\n

Harry and I set to with a will.<\/p>\n

The Turbo Niken sounds amazing. It sings harsh songs of barking hate out its Akro. I powershift through the gearbox and grin like a fiend through the water smeared on my visor.<\/p>\n

The Hi-Lux sails past slower cars. Harry and I follow, using his killer lighting array that lit the road a kilometre ahead as our beacon of hope.<\/p>\n

The Ten Mile was coming up, but I noticed Harry has fallen back a touch. He told me later he\u2019d thought someone had flashed him, thought there might be cops ahead and slowed down. I buttoned off to let him catch up and the bloke in the Hi-Lux was gone.<\/p>\n

\"\"

This was even before he had ridden it.<\/strong><\/p><\/div>\n

No biggie. Niken high-beam is pretty good. It\u2019s wide and bright. It ain\u2019t no 4X4 lightbar, but it\u2019s all I had and it was OK.<\/p>\n

We entered the Ten-Mile, the road reflective with water and the rain steady but not heavy. I felt the traction control doing its thing, praised technology, and passed a slow car.<\/p>\n

Ahead of me was a Mobile Speed Camera car. It was doing 40. Sometimes it did 20.<\/p>\n

Options? Well, overtake the revenue-raisers on double-yellows so they fill their pants with righteous indignation and maybe report by number-plate to a policeman whose genitals they\u2019re fondling in the course of their work was certainly one.<\/p>\n

The other option was to sit half-a-metre off his rear-bumper with all my lights on and work the Niken\u2019s Akro hoping he\u2019d drive into a cliff.<\/p>\n

I chose option B.<\/p>\n

Sure, the Ten-Mile was done a bit slower, but it was done with happy malice. And it almost worked. Old mate in the Mobile Speed Camera car was overcooking quite a few bends. But the Putty is pretty empty at night. So he was lucky.<\/p>\n

Harry and I made it home, damp but pleased with not dying and our little bit of cheesy revenge.<\/p>\n

The next morning I let Harry ride the Turbo Niken to Jerry\u2019s Caf\u00e9 via Wollombi while I took a Suzuki Boulevard.<\/p>\n

The plan was to shoot them both in one day.<\/p>\n

Nick was there, we had some food, watched the crowds form around the Niken, and listened to Harry sing the praises of the first turbo-charged thing he\u2019d ever ridden.<\/p>\n

\"\"

They come like moths to a flame.<\/strong><\/p><\/div>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s just amazing,\u201d he kept saying.<\/p>\n

\u201cI know,\u201d I kept agreeing.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2026it\u2026it just\u2026goes\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt certainly does.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI would buy one,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou should.\u201d<\/p>\n

Harry started to do numbers on his phone, but I made him stop and we headed off to the nearby dam to shoot the pictures.<\/p>\n

Nick shot some marvelous stuff. He invariably does. I resolved to hold off on the brain-eating.<\/p>\n

\"\"

You’d think Ansel Adams was the snapper.<\/strong><\/p><\/div>\n

\u201cSo let\u2019s do a rolling burn-out shot,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n

\u201cSure,\u201d Nick shrugged.<\/p>\n

\u201cThere\u2019s got to be one because turbo. It\u2019s the last thing and then we can shoot the Boulevard.\u201d<\/p>\n

Nick duly positioned himself in an appropriate place, I had a practice run, then fired off a respectable smoker, turned around and realised the clutch had gone to Jesus.<\/p>\n

\"\"

Jesus is waiting for the clutch.<\/strong><\/p><\/div>\n

\u201cLet\u2019s let it cool down,\u201d I said. \u201cMaybe it\u2019s just got a little fever.\u201d<\/p>\n

Nick, Harry and I waited a while.<\/p>\n

I started the Niken up, put it in gear, let out the clutch and realised the clutch-fever was terminal.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s cooked,\u201d I shrugged.<\/p>\n

Justin had flagged the potential of this happening when I picked the bike up.<\/p>\n

\u201cI thought I felt it slipping,\u201d he\u2019d said. \u201cBut it could have just been wheelspin. Bear that in mind.\u201d<\/p>\n

I too had imagined there was some wheelspin in the hour or so I was belting it around for the pictures prior to the burnout.<\/p>\n

I guess we were both imagining things.<\/p>\n

So the problem was now this\u2026<\/p>\n

The Boulevard has no pillion seat. Harry\u2019s bike is at my place, 120km away. Nick has a car. The nearest mobile phone reception is 20km away at Jerry\u2019s Caf\u00e9.<\/p>\n

The logistics were awkward.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ve seen this thing on YouTube where one rider pushes the other rider with his foot using the footpeg,\u201d Harry said while Nick and I stared balefully at the disabled Niken.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou ever done that?\u201d I asked Harry.<\/p>\n

He shook his head.<\/p>\n

\u201cTry to avoid it if you can.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSo what are we going to do?\u201d he asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m going to go get a tow-rope,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n

\"\"

Like, if you were a cop, you’d put this in jail, right?<\/strong><\/p><\/div>\n

PART TWO IS HERE<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

GREAT IMAGES BY NICK EDARDS \/ HALF LIGHT PHOTOGRAHIC CRAP IMAGES BY ME In which our hero demonstrates the efficacy of shit-magnetism, forced induction, old friendships, and how important the little things are \u2013 like seats and footpegs and clutches \u2013 especially when you don\u2019t have them.   \u201cOoh, see the fire is sweepin\u2019 Our [&hellip<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":1444355,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[352,103],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1444302"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1444302"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1444302\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1444552,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1444302\/revisions\/1444552"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1444355"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1444302"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1444302"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1444302"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}