{"id":1425527,"date":"2019-01-01T14:36:01","date_gmt":"2019-01-01T04:36:01","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/bikeme.tv\/?p=1425527"},"modified":"2019-01-01T14:36:01","modified_gmt":"2019-01-01T04:36:01","slug":"tales-of-the-niken-episode-4","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/tales-of-the-niken-episode-4\/","title":{"rendered":"TALES OF THE NIKEN \u2013 EPISODE 4"},"content":{"rendered":"

In which our hero finds himself in the company of an outlaw in a country pub in the dark days before Christmas, whereupon he is compelled to ask the small crowd of tattooed brutes who came out to look at the Niken if any of them were interested in taking him to a dance that evening.<\/em><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/em>\u201cI turned twenty-one in prison doing life without parole.
\nNo-one could steer me right but Mama tried, Mama tried.
\nMama tried to raise me better, but her pleading I denied
\nThat leaves only me to blame \u2019cause Mama tried\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

Towering thunderheads crept across the sky towards me. Vast, purple-grey, gravid with rain and livid with lightning. The Niken and I did not have long to go, and I was confident I\u2019d get to where I was going before Rainmageddon began.<\/p>\n

As this city boy was discovering, that\u2019s the thing about living out here. There\u2019s not a lot of traffic and distances to places are normally measured in time rather than kilometres. And on a motorcycle, your right hand condenses time quite well.<\/p>\n

\"\"

It was a very warm day and Skippy did not hydrate. Tsk, tsk, tsk…<\/strong><\/p><\/div>\n

 <\/p>\n

In the days before Christmas, I had been exploring the back roads joining the Golden Highway with the New England Highway and enjoying them immensely. I had certainly condensed some time upon them while the Highway Patrol was busy eating Maccas and looting the main roads.<\/p>\n

\"\"

The casino on Wybong Road was closed the day I came a-gamblin’…<\/strong><\/p><\/div>\n

 <\/p>\n

On this evening I was on my way to the Neath Hotel to catch up with my brother, Alice, who happens to be one of those dastardly declared enemies of the state the police are forever hounding. Both of us knew what could happen at any time when he appeared in public, but neither of us live cheerfully under the jackboot \u2013 and I will certainly not be told with whom I can associate.<\/p>\n

That aside, it was crucial Alice beheld the Niken, Your Honour.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m the kind of bloke who doesn\u2019t care how sausages are made. I cook them, I eat them, and I do not seek to discover what animal has been pureed to make them so tasty.<\/p>\n

My brother Alice is the other kind of bloke. Not only does he demand to know what animal is being forced through the grinder, but he will seek to know where the animal had been grazing, and whether it had been massaged by the soft hands of pretty girls to make it happy (and therefore more delicious) before the pointed hog-maul strikes and sends it twitching to the scalding tank and de-hairing machine.<\/p>\n

And Alice knows many things. And I like people who know many things. They make for great company.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"\"

There were only four when I arrived…<\/strong><\/p><\/div>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"\"

…but then a few more came out to see what was parked out the front.<\/strong><\/p><\/div>\n

 <\/p>\n

It was a very warm Hunter Valley evening as I pulled up in front of the Neath Hotel \u2013 a large, Old School edifice of beer, with (because it was a tad warm) a small crowd of Old School beer drinkers arrayed out the front, my brother Alice among them.<\/p>\n

\u201cGuess I\u2019m about to find out just how gay this Niken is,\u201d I muttered to myself as I pulled up in front of the front corner door. I would have caused less of a stir had I arrived with a dead buzzard draped sensually across my shoulders and a mariachi band following behind.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat the fuck is that?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ve never seen anything like that in my life!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat is amazing \u2013 seriously amazing.\u201d<\/p>\n

Alice was a little more circumspect.<\/p>\n

\u201cWow,\u201d he said and immediately started peering at the front-end.<\/p>\n

The small crowd moved hesitantly closer to the Niken, perhaps concerned I would force myself upon them in a lewd act of homosexual abandon.<\/p>\n

I answered the usual questions instead.<\/p>\n

\u201cYes, it wheelies. Yes, it leans like a bike. Yes, it has far more grip at the front than a normal bike. No, it\u2019s not a BMW. No, I did not make it. Yamaha did.\u201d<\/p>\n

They all peered at the front-end. The publican came out, and rather than tell me to move the Niken away from the front of his pub, he asked me what it was like to ride.<\/p>\n

I told him. The assembled crowd listened. Some nodded in understanding.<\/p>\n

\u201cDo any of you think it is gay, or that I am gay?\u201d I asked. I figured if anyone was going to tell me I was hot and ask me for a dance, it had to be one of these brutes. A country pub\u2019s Gaydar is the finest in the world.<\/p>\n

They all started laughing.<\/p>\n

\u201cMate,\u201d one of them said, \u201cIt looks mad and you don\u2019t look gay, but I don\u2019t care if you are.\u201d<\/p>\n

That settled, they slowly drifted off. Alice and I engaged with the Niken.<\/p>\n

People tend to forget one percenters are first and last, motorcyclists. Hardcore motorcyclists. Sure, there are recent additions to the lifestyle who are more Nike than bikie, but blokes who have been in clubs for decades are all motorcycle nuts.<\/p>\n

And Alice is all of that.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ve been hanging to see this,\u201d he said. \u201cIt\u2019s fascinated me. I\u2019ve watched all the YouTube videos and I kinda get that front-end. It\u2019s an amazing piece of technology.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt amazes me every time I ride it.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSo it\u2019s just like a normal bike?\u201d
\nI nodded. \u201cExcept for the front-end. It\u2019s better there than a lot of motorcycles.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell how could it not be?\u201d Alice observed. \u201cIt\u2019s physics.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt certainly confronts the eye though, doesn\u2019t it?\u201d<\/p>\n

Alice grinned, and said something that really resonated.<\/p>\n

\u201cApart from the engineering, that\u2019s why I like it so much. It\u2019s so damn different. It\u2019s so\u2026so\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAntagonistic?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s it!\u201d he laughed. \u201cI reckon you like it because it upsets people.\u201d<\/p>\n

It was my turn to laugh. My brother knows me because he is my brother.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, it wasn\u2019t that to begin with,\u201d I said. \u201cI genuinely think it\u2019s a great concept brilliantly executed. But some people hate it\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cFuck them,\u201d Alice shrugged.<\/p>\n

\u201cNot literally, of course,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n

\u201cNot unless they\u2019re really hot,\u201d he replied.<\/p>\n

I nodded. \u201cIf they\u2019re hot, then all bets are off.\u201d<\/p>\n

I rode home much later that evening along damp, deserted roads. The odd house was festooned with Christmas lights. The storm had passed and the night was soft and warm with a young summer.<\/p>\n

The Niken looked even more crazy under street lights. I stopped and took some bad photos of it.<\/p>\n

\"\"

What? I told you it was a bad photo.<\/strong><\/p><\/div>\n

 <\/p>\n

Then I grew a pair and turned the traction control off.<\/p>\n

What the Highway Patrol doesn\u2019t know won\u2019t hurt it none.<\/p>\n

PREVIOUS TALES<\/span><\/p>\n

Episode One <\/span><\/a><\/p>\n

Episode Two<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n

Episode Three<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

In which our hero finds himself in the company of an outlaw in a country pub in the dark days before Christmas, whereupon he is compelled to ask the small crowd of tattooed brutes who came out to look at the Niken if any of them were interested in taking him to a dance that [&hellip<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":1422472,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[106,352,103],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1425527"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1425527"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1425527\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1425625,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1425527\/revisions\/1425625"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1422472"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1425527"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1425527"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1425527"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}