{"id":1387397,"date":"2018-09-21T14:03:28","date_gmt":"2018-09-21T04:03:28","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/bikeme.tv\/?p=1387397"},"modified":"2018-09-21T14:03:28","modified_gmt":"2018-09-21T04:03:28","slug":"and-no-i-was-not-crossing-myself-i-stopped-believing-in-god-a-week-after-you-joined-the-team-that-was-gabarrini","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/and-no-i-was-not-crossing-myself-i-stopped-believing-in-god-a-week-after-you-joined-the-team-that-was-gabarrini\/","title":{"rendered":"“And no, I was not crossing myself. I stopped believing in God a week after you joined the team. That was Gabarrini…”"},"content":{"rendered":"

Dear George,<\/p>\n

I\u2019m not sure I know how to make the Aragon race \u201csexy as a Mamba in red leather dance-panties\u201d. But I will try. I always try. Ask anyone.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m still struggling to understand why it\u2019s important, apart from your demand he be \u201cless boring\u201d, to put a \u201cpretty summer dress\u201d on Dovi and make him dance \u201clike a spanked prostitute\u201d on the pit wall each time you go past during Practice.<\/p>\n

\"\"

“It is almost too much to absorb in one look.”<\/strong><\/p><\/div>\n

I agree that \u201claughing time is over\u201d. I can assure you no-one was laughing when you fell off last race. I promise. There was no laughter. Anything that may have sounded like laughter was in fact indigestion, or a faulty telemetry diode. You do know how noisy that new telemetry is.<\/p>\n

I see you have erected the Grand Shark Fin of Sexy Champion on your motorhome, and I know, because you have told me, it is now the time of the Super Spanish Sex-Butter Race and you are bringing all the sexy there is to bring. It really is a great deal of sexy.<\/p>\n

We could all see you modelling that Alpine Star Cupra gear in Pit Lane. It was certainly something to see \u2013 especially when you were pulling it on over the sheen of the butter on your torso. It made me a little faint, to be honest. I’m sure Alpine Stars will double production on the heels of this.<\/p>\n

And no, I was not crossing myself. I stopped believing in God a week after you joined the team. That was Gabarrini. He is like a bearded nun in his constant devotions to Jesus.<\/p>\n

I also understand you are among your people at Aragon. Both of them. And yes, it is possible their support and cheering will drown out the sound of the octopus screaming out its thunder from the telemetry box.<\/p>\n

Your suggestion I fit a loud-speaker and a microphone to your helmet so your thoughts during the race can be heard by your fans is an excellent one. This is certainly how I will be spending my Thursday evening.<\/p>\n

I am sure everyone will want to hear your assessment of everything as you show the \u201closing loser-putas\u201d your \u201csun-hot butter-bottom\u201d on your way to the finish line \u2013 from how many years prison Redding should serve, to how KTM is right to give up on MotoGP and start a dwarf-circus with Pedrosa as the head clown.<\/p>\n

And of course your thoughts on what it will be like to be the \u201cSupreme Repsol who will teach the Satu Hati Mati Fati Bushido Putas which chain to lube and which telemetry to tighten\u201d will be vital to the future of the sport.<\/p>\n

I understand you plan to win every round from Aragon onwards. That\u2019s great. No, really. I speak for the whole team when I say we very much look forward to celebrating your crushing victories and your ultimate possession of the championship.<\/p>\n

I will be speaking to Repsol this afternoon to see if, as you say: \u201cThe grinning donkey-boy and his 1000 teeth is going on holidays any time soon.\u201d<\/p>\n

I will report back after Qualifying. Oh, and please stop marching up and down in front of Rossi\u2019s motorhome in your Spartan uniform. It won\u2019t take much for Jarvis to shoot someone at this stage of the season.<\/p>\n

Still here with my eyebrows.<\/p>\n

Gigi.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Dear George, I\u2019m not sure I know how to make the Aragon race \u201csexy as a Mamba in red leather dance-panties\u201d. But I will try. I always try. Ask anyone. I\u2019m still struggling to understand why it\u2019s important, apart from your demand he be \u201cless boring\u201d, to put a \u201cpretty summer dress\u201d on Dovi and [&hellip<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":1387438,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[252],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1387397"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1387397"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1387397\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1387466,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1387397\/revisions\/1387466"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1387438"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1387397"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1387397"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1387397"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}