There was some discussion on the BIKE ME! forums that week on what people do to stop getting bored on rides. There were those who worried about what would fall off their motorcycle, and those who did calculations about their trip, and those who solved deep problems, and those who sang.<\/p>\n
I don\u2019t generally get bored. Even on motorways, I do aggressive blind spot management, and am constantly changing lanes and positions so people don\u2019t accidentally run over me. So far it has worked. I told Tony the Kraut about this, and he said he does aggressive blind spot management and is constantly changing lanes and positions so he doesn\u2019t get eaten by Papuans, and so far it has worked.<\/p>\n
No, I don\u2019t know what he was getting at either, so I went for a ride to test these recommendations.<\/p>\n
I tried worrying about what would fall off my motorcycle, but I was on my Honda, and nothing falls off it unless I bolt an Italian rack to it, as sober readers may recall from a previous column. Typing \u201cvaffanculo\u201d into the search box on this page would probably find it.<\/p>\n
I tried doing calculations about my trip, too, but I was on a standard run westward, and I had a GPS, and I knew my average speed and my arrival time and fuel consumption and range and stuff.<\/p>\n
I tried solving deep problems. I had the Middle East sorted by the beginning of the M7. It was a creative solution, a little like Edward de Bono\u2019s, but involved less Marmite and more high explosive.<\/p>\n
I decided I would sing. I remembered asking Suel, who ran the Turkish restaurant near my old place, what the song on the restaurant stereo was about. \u201cMy friend\u201d, he said, \u201cIt is about LOVE. All Turkish songs are about love.\u201d<\/p>\n
I decided I would sing song about love. \u201cSo much for your journey of self-discovery\u201d I warbled inside my AGV as I passed the Sikh temple near Parklea.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou had to cut it short, forgot your credit card
\nThe decree nisi came\u00a0through this morning
\nAnd I just called to say
\nI\u2019m gonna feed our children non-organic food
\nI\u2019m gonna feed our children non-organic food
\nI\u2019m gonna feed our children non-organic food
\nAnd with the money saved take \u2018em to the zoo.\u201d<\/p>\n
I\u2019d finished Totnes Bickering Fair<\/em> by the time I got to the Richmond Road. A mysterious clown looked at me as I made the turn. My blind spot management had been sub standard. I changed the subject, and sang the blues on the way to Richmond.<\/p>\n \u201cYou look so pretty in it, honey can I jump on it some time? I’d finished Leopard Skin Pillbox Hat<\/em> by the time I got to the Windsor turnoff. A mysterious fat man looked at me from the passenger seat of a Prado, and then pretended to be looking at something else.<\/p>\n I tried a bit of rap while trickling through Richmond<\/p>\n \u201cS to the I to the\u00a0M to the P! A mysterious Papuan stared at me long and hard as I waited at the lights in North Richmond.<\/p>\n Screw this, I thought. This is too weird. I went back to aggressive blind spot management.<\/p>\n The remainder of my trip was uneventful.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" There was some discussion on the BIKE ME! forums that week on what people do to stop getting bored on rides<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7,"featured_media":10253,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[48],"tags":[221],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10210"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/7"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=10210"}],"version-history":[{"count":9,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10210\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":10345,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10210\/revisions\/10345"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/10253"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=10210"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=10210"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bikeme.tv\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=10210"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\nI just wanna see if it\u2019s that expensive kind
\nYou know it balances on your head just like a mattress balances on a bottle of wine.\u201d<\/p>\n
\nWho you got back\u00a0home watering your plants?
\nS-I-M-P, squirrels in my pants!
\nHow can I qualify for government grants?
\nS-I-M-P, squirrels in my pants!
\nHypnotize me, put me in a trance
\nS-I-M-P, squirrels in my pants!
\nGot an aunt\u00a0Florence livin’ in France
\nShe can’t see the squirrels in my pants!\u201d<\/p>\n